IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #development #value
The majority
nations
Change preposition
of nations
show examples
 in the world desire to increase their living
standards
 by expanding their economies, but some worry that doing so could destroy societal
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 namely morals value,
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 On the one hand, there are several reasons why developing economies could have certain drawbacks. The value of money is more important to
people
 than morals or others' health. Some vendors or manufacturers might add a preservative that causes
cancers
Fix the agreement mistake
cancer
show examples
 to the food that customers eat during markets. And to increase their profit is just their justification for taking that action.
In addition
, the growth of industries harms the
environment
, which
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 water, soil and air. Many factories release harmful waste to the
environment
 without any sort of treatment.
Although
 there are negatives to economic progress, there are numerous benefits that it raises for a huge number of individuals.
People
's living
standards
 would rise as the economy developed. Because governments have a large budget to protect their life, build contemporary infrastructure, and improve medical conditions. When living conditions in industrialized
nations
 like the United States or Japan are compared to those in developing or third-world
nations
, it is evident that residents of wealthy
nations
 enjoy more healthy, social and convenient amenities.
Furthermore
, authorities in these
nations
 do a better job than others at maintaining environmental control. In conclusion,
to develop
Change the verb form
developing
show examples
 a nation's economy could bring about certain benefits, but its negative consequences should not be overlooked. Governments should increase
people
's living
standards
 in all areas, including those related to the
environment
 and human health
standards
.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: