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Some people think hard working and determination lead to the success. Others feel that money and personal appearance is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #determination #success #money #appearance
It is a common discussion among folks that achievements are
due to
 industriousness and steadfastness,
while
 some thought that it is because of having huge sums and a person’s look. In
this
 essay, I will highlight both sides’ arguments
along with
 examples and personal views.
To begin
 with, it is said by some public that accomplishments can be received by working long hours and being persistent because it composes a man to be
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
. What I mean by
this
 is that if an internee spends a large part of his/her time
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work, they will become an expert in concern fields and these traits can lead them to get promotions in their workplaces.
Therefore
, working hard can allow a person to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his/her dreams.
For example
, 90% of
juniors
Change the noun form
junior
show examples
 engineers can get permanent positions, if they work 14 to 16 hours daily
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their initial 2 years,
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
show examples
 Sprint International annual reports.
In addition
,
persistency
Replace the word
persistence
show examples
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 workers concentrated. To explain, if a man set
goals
Correct article usage
the goals
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 his life and strives hard to reach there no matter what happens, there is
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 probability being
succeeded
Replace the word
success
show examples
. Turning
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the other side of the argument, it is considered that having money and smartness play
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 vital role to achieve goals since it makes it possible to get entry
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
a well-known educational institutes
Correct the article-noun agreement
well-known educational institutes
a well-known educational institute
show examples
. To elaborate, a number of rich people get
admit
Wrong verb form
admitted
show examples
 their off-brings
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some of the famous universities of the UK or US and in return, they get some high paid jobs inside the country. To illustrate, a sizeable number of bureaucrats in the government of my country are those who get degrees from Oxford, Harvard and so on. Another point is that
dashing
Correct article usage
a dashing
show examples
 look can be the other reason for success because many
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 requirements are smartness
such
 as
media-related
Change preposition
in media-related
show examples
 work, acting industries etc.
To sum up
, looking into both sides’ argument, I feel that people should focus on their skills making because if
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
someone is well-rounded, nobody might
not
Rewrite the sentence
apply
show examples
stop him/her from success.
Submitted by engrizazsaeed on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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