IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many parts of the world, it is common for one parent to stay at home and raise a new born child while other works full time to earn money. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#parts #world #parent #home #child #works #time #money
In
this
 concurrent era, it become a trend in
this
 universe to take
care
 of infants by
one
guradian
Correct your spelling
guardian
 and another do a full-time job for wages. From my standpoint, the pros of
this
 notion are clearly overtaking the cons, which will be enlightened below. To commence with, there are some merits of raising a
child
 with full attention.
Firstly
, attentiveness is much more crucial for
new-born
Correct your spelling
newborn
show examples
 babies and parents are the first
who
Correct pronoun usage
ones who
show examples
always
Add a missing verb
are always
show examples
 ready for it. They can take
care
 of them like no
one
. To exemplify
this
, doctors
also
 recommend guardians
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
take a leave from their work after their
child
, as infants
also
 need them in their initial year of life. In spite of
this
, new-born
also
 go through some medical conditions in their starting time and a mother already knew about her own body complications and babies as well. So, they can take
care
 of children more efficiently than other
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
babysitters.
In addition
,
child
 love would
also
 incline with the person,
whome
Correct your spelling
whom
who
 they are seeing from their first day.
Thus
, if parents do not take
care
 of them
then
youngones
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 would feel detachable from them. There is
also
 a dire effect of working
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 only
one
 parent. The prominent
one
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the parent would feel burdened by doing hard work on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis.
Due to
this
, they
also
 could not spare some time for their
child
 as well. In most cases, it would be a father. They could not connect with the young ones for a long period of time.
To conclude
,
although
one
 guardian has to work hard to run a family. But, it would beneficial for a
child
, because
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 parent provides proper security and
nutirition
Correct your spelling
nutrition
nutritional
 value to them.
Submitted by amrindersinghynr89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!