IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their career. Others believe that a woman’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why?

#people #women #chances #work #career #woman’s #role #care #house #children
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Some people advocate that
women
 should have equal
apportunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 at jobs
while
 others insist to confine
women
 to house-keeping and raising
children
. I strongly disagree with the latter group and I will provide my reasons in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, it must
be state
Change the verb form
be stated
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career success has nothing to do with gender. Indeed Some people believe that men possess superior
managerioral
Correct your spelling
managerial
 skills than
women
 but no
ducomented
Correct your spelling
documented
 research
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 proven
this
. if
women
 can have
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 of education and training, they will achieve the same result as men at their work
palce
Correct your spelling
place
. to illustrate, Based on
bbc
Correct your spelling
BBC
 news the number of
women
interpreneurs
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
grown in the
last
 decade in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of giving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal right. Afterwards,
women
 must not
been
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 limited in the house borders. The second and equally important reason is, raising
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 must not be
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 sole responsibility.
children
 need
mutual
Correct article usage
the mutual
show examples
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 both mother and father. Paternal responsibilities are far
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
 than just providing financial needs.
infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
 if parents could not manage to grow up their kids together, the concept of
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 would become somehow meaningless. To give a clear example, in a recent poll in
north
Change the capitalization
North
show examples
 America,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some families that
children
 were less in touch with their fathers were more depressed and their family
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
 have
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 poorer.
Thus
, for creating
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
 family, raising
children
 should not become just
matherly
Change the capitalization
Matherly
motherly
show examples
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
. In
conclsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I profoundly agree that
women
 must have
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 for career success and not
confine
Add a missing verb
be confine
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
house
Correct article usage
the house
show examples
.
Submitted by adelkhoosogol on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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