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Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given process diagram illustrates the circulation of
water
Use synonyms
 from the ocean to the air and through the
land
Add a comma
,land
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
occurs on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Earth.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen there are four main stages in
this
Linking Words
 process starting from
water
Use synonyms
 evaporation with the formation of clouds, precipitation and ending with saltwater intrusion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, looking at the ocean the
water
Use synonyms
 evaporates and contributes approximately 80% of total
water
Use synonyms
 vapour in the air.
Next,
Linking Words
Heat from the sun causes
water
Use synonyms
 to evaporate, and
water
Use synonyms
 vapour condenses to form clouds. In the third step,
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the cloud turn into rain or
snow
Add a comma
,snow
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is called precipitation. In the next step, rainwater may transform into different kinds of pathways. It might fall into lakes or become snow caps on mountains.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some of the
water
Use synonyms
 reaches the impervious layer in the ground and some runs on the surface.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, saltwater intrusion is shown to take place just before groundwater passes into the oceans to complete the cycle.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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