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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below describe 4 sectors of employment, in 2009 and 2020, in two towns. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below describe 4 sectors of employment, in 2009 and 2020, in two towns. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#sectors #employment #two #towns #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The two pie charts compare the 4
employment
 sectors
such
us
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 manufacturing, hospitality, engineering, and teaching between 2009 and 2020 in
town
 A and in
town
B
. it can be seen that the popular
employment
 had been engineering and manufacturing in two towns.
However
, teaching had been lowest
employment
 in both towns from 2009 to 2020. First and forest, the
employment
 of engineering, which was the highest at 60% in 2009 in
town
 A, had been reduced
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 17% and had been replaced by manufacturing at 60% in 2020. A different situation in
town
B
, the major
employment
, which was manufacturing at 40%, had changed to engineering at 35% in 2020.
Apart from
this
, there was
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 dump from 60% to 17% in engineering
employment
 in
town
 A,
whereas
 the
employment
 of engineering had been same as before in
town
B
.
Moreover
, being a teacher had been
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 and decreased by 1% from 2009 to 2020 in
town
 A,
while
 in
town
B
 even though the
employment
 of teaching had been
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
show examples
, there was a rise
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 10% during these 10 years. We
also
 can see that the
employment
 of hospitality had slightly
grew
Change the verb form
grown
show examples
 up in both towns by 4% and 5% respectively.
Finally
, engineering and teaching
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 equal at 20% in
town
B
 in 2020.
Submitted by jackson05234 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, town, b with synonyms.
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