IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below describe 4 sectors of employment, in 2009 and 2020, in two towns. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below describe 4 sectors of employment, in 2009 and 2020, in two towns. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two pie charts compare the 4
employment
Use synonyms
 sectors
such
Linking Words
us
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 manufacturing, hospitality, engineering, and teaching between 2009 and 2020 in
town
Use synonyms
 A and in
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. it can be seen that the popular
employment
Use synonyms
 had been engineering and manufacturing in two towns.
However
Linking Words
, teaching had been lowest
employment
Use synonyms
 in both towns from 2009 to 2020. First and forest, the
employment
Use synonyms
 of engineering, which was the highest at 60% in 2009 in
town
Use synonyms
 A, had been reduced
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 17% and had been replaced by manufacturing at 60% in 2020. A different situation in
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, the major
employment
Use synonyms
, which was manufacturing at 40%, had changed to engineering at 35% in 2020.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, there was
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 dump from 60% to 17% in engineering
employment
Use synonyms
 in
town
Use synonyms
 A,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
employment
Use synonyms
 of engineering had been same as before in
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, being a teacher had been
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 and decreased by 1% from 2009 to 2020 in
town
Use synonyms
 A,
while
Linking Words
 in
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 even though the
employment
Use synonyms
 of teaching had been
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
show examples
, there was a rise
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 10% during these 10 years. We
also
Linking Words
 can see that the
employment
Use synonyms
 of hospitality had slightly
grew
Change the verb form
grown
show examples
 up in both towns by 4% and 5% respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, engineering and teaching
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 equal at 20% in
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 in 2020.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, town, b with synonyms.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: