IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #phones #school
It is an indisputable fact that in
this
 era of technology, a lot of
students
 use their devices during the school day. The supporters of
this
 statement claim it might be beneficial to help
students
 for studying,
whereas
 the opponents argue on its function is to distract people. In apropos of
this
 statement,
this
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the former. To commence with, the gadget is useful for studying and improving their literature. With books,
students
 will be bored because it is only depicted words,
while
 phones give audiovisuals that help scholars to memorize knowledge and develop the literature.
This
also
 increases the scholars' mood and
thus
 enjoyment
while
 learning some subjects. To illustrate
this
, with a command from the teacher, the
students
 might browse history from Youtube videos which was fascinating compared to learning from textbooks.
On the other hand
, devices give an adverse effect on learners.
This
 technology may reduce the focus to study. Resulting to
this
, the learners will get some distractions and end up playing games and texting other friends
instead
 of studying.
For instance
, when the teacher explains the subject, most of the scholars in Indonesian high schools tend to play on their phones rather than listen to the teacher.
This
also
 contributes to the lower marks and lack of attitude to the lecturer. In my opinion,
Add an article
the
show examples
gadget is beneficial for youngsters, but it needs some laws
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
devices
Change preposition
of devices
show examples
 in school to create the best school environment.
To sum up
, there is a debate between the pros and cons to bring a cell phone to an educational institution. I believe with several laws might create cell phones that are beneficial and keep
students
 focused.
Submitted by rafiaufa18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: