IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe what children watch on TV influences their behavior. Some say it is the amount of time watching television that influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #tv #influences #behavior #say #amount #time #television
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Lots of people think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
watching
TV
 content can affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
childrens'
Correct your spelling
children's
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Somebody's talk that the number of hours which the
child
 spend for to show
TV
 can change their lifestyle.
This
 essay
discuss
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discusses
show examples
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
how the television plot and the time which had spent
for
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apply
show examples
watching
TV
 may
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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effect
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effective
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 to
child
. The
childs'
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child's
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 brain
great
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greatly
show examples
 adapted to
copy
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the copy
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 of
information
Add an article
the information
show examples
which
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apply
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it
see
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sees
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.
This
 reaction can change the mind of
young
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the young
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representative
Fix the agreement mistake
representatives
show examples
. Nowadays,
a
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apply
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plenty of
TV
programms
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
 have
the
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apply
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scene of violence, sexual acts and terroristic acts which are not suitable for
an
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a
show examples
 youngster.
Furthermore
, the content may
propagand
Correct your spelling
propaganda
propagate
 terrible things and manipulate the mind of
crowd
Add an article
the crowd
show examples
.
This
 condition
made
Add a missing verb
is made
show examples
 by marketing managers which are used for their purposes.
In
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At
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 young age, these shows affect
dramatically
Correct pronoun usage
them dramatically
show examples
 because their thinking and analytic skills are not
to develop
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developed
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 clearly.
For instance
, in 2016
the
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apply
show examples
most part of the pupils was
the
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apply
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victim of one show
which
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apply
show examples
called "Blue Whale".
This
 program was about suicide and being vandal.
Due to
this
 the
amount
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number
show examples
 of suicides and acts of vandalism went up significantly. The number of minutes
which
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apply
show examples
used
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is used
show examples
 up to watching
TV
 be
border
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a border
the border
show examples
 for
another helpful activities
Replace the adjective
another helpful activity
other helpful activities
show examples
. Cartoons used a lot of specific tools for catching
attention
Add an article
the attention
show examples
 of the
child
.
Therefore
, the young generation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 interest
to
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in
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
other things. If scientists would make
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
 about how many hours their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 had spent
for
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on
show examples
TV
 and how many hours they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent in past
for
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on
show examples
this
, they will shock. Our ancestors
was
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were
show examples
 healthy and
interesting
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more interesting
show examples
 than us because they have
the
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apply
show examples
time for
active
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an active
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 hobby
such
 as
:
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apply
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 sport, art, and reading books. In comparison,
the
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apply
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entertainment has changed during
last
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the last
show examples
 50 years. In conclusion, I think that our generation used up a
plathora
Correct your spelling
plethora
 of time
for
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apply
show examples
watching
TV
 and in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it is not
normally
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normal
show examples
 for our life.
Submitted by xzibitabdu on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence behavior
  • imitate actions
  • programming
  • empathy
  • aggressive behavior
  • antisocial behavior
  • excessive television watching
  • physical development
  • contributing to obesity
  • impact academic performance
  • monitoring the content
  • setting reasonable time limits
What to do next:
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