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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #traditions #society #individuals
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It is a common discussion among folks that community norms should be followed by youths, whilst others say that they should act whatever they like. In
this
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 essay, I will scrutinize both sides’ views
along with
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 some examples and will suggest my own perceptions on
this
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 matter.
To begin
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 with, teenagers should follow their long-established methods of life because it makes them joyful. To explain, a number of under-16s practice their ancestral ways of living from a very early age and constant interactions make them habitual.
Consequently
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, practising those methods
make
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makes
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 them comfortable.
For example
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, Asians, who live in the US or UK follow their countries’ cultural stuff because it makes them happy. Another point would be that it makes an ideal society. Since people will follow the same rules of living and there will be no variations in ideas,
this
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 will lead to form a perfect human habitat. Turning to the other side of the argument, it is said that youths should be independent to act since it produces adaptability traits. A sizeable number of youths live in other parts of the world and if they have the characteristics to adopt their ways of life, it could make an easygoing life.
For example
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, people who live in other nations and follow host countries’ cultural ways have fewer cultural shock problems.
In addition
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, allowing youngsters to behave in whatever they like will make them productive. To cite an example, adolescents who perform freely and there are no cultural lines
,
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apply
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 can enlarge their mental spaces,
according to
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Harvard
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a Harvard
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medical school
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Medical School
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 report.
To sum up
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, youngsters should follow their norms because it causes happiness and creates flawless surroundings.
On the contrary
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, if they are free to act
then
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 it creates flexibility properties and will make them efficient.
However
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, I feel that culture is an integral part of our lives and it gives a sense of belonging, so we should follow those kinds of stuff.
Submitted by engrizazsaeed on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring that your ideas flow in a coherent manner. Consider using transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and Conclusion are not very distinct, consider starting with a more engaging hook and provide a more definitive conclusion that summarizes your main points.
task achievement
You need to provide more comprehensive and clear ideas to fully address the prompt and present relevant specific examples to support your points.
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