IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, some collegians in some nations tend to live at their home with their parents
while
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 they study.
By contrast
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,
other
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in other
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 countries learners attend university far away from their house. In my opinion, there are more benefits than
the
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drawbacks when studying at universities in another city. On the one hand, living far away from home is a good chance for students to learn social skills. In
the
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new environments like universities and in other cities, scholars can form and practice their skills like conversation or housework skills.
Besides
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, living alone can help students become more independent and they have to be responsible for everything they do.
In addition
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, they can feel more freedom and their own study space which makes them comfortable and easier to absorb more knowledge.
For example
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, when studying at home, collegians may be annoyed by surrounding things like their little sibling and sometimes, they have to stay up late to finish their projects or homework.
Therefore
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, it will affect everyone in the house.
On the other hand
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, some issues need to be paid attention to when attending remote educational institutions. First of all, pupils can be negatively influenced by their friends. They can hear their friends talk about how cool when doing something bad like smoke, racing or even drug trafficking.
Therefore
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, learners can gradually get deeper into crime without being able to get out.
Besides
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, scholars who live far away from their families usually do not concentrate on their diet. They often just absorb fast food and junk food to finish their meals or sometimes they skip their meal. From that, they can easily cause some diseases like obesity or hypoglycemia. In conclusion, living and studying at universities in another city has some disadvantages, but in my view, the advantages still outweigh them. The important thing is that students should understand themselves clearly to minimize the drawbacks.

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task and discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of living away from home during university. However, the arguments could be more deeply developed with a greater variety of examples. Include more specific situations and perhaps statistical data to strengthen the points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear with a defined introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there are instances where the transition between ideas could be smoother. Work on creating more seamless connections between paragraphs to ensure better flow.
coherence cohesion
Some main points need stronger support. For instance, the negative influence of friends could be explained more comprehensively with concrete examples or studies. Adding these details can help in making the argumentation more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, which encapsulate the main idea succinctly.
task achievement
The writer addresses both sides of the issue, which demonstrates a balanced perspective and a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The discussion about gaining social skills and independence, as well as having a dedicated study space, is well-explained and relevant.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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