IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that young criminals should receive same punishment as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #criminals #punishment #adults
Criminals who are of youthful ages should receive equal infliction as older people do as suggested by some schools of thought.
Although
 it is a very good idea to impose I think it is a very bad initiative to bring on and to,
this
 I disagree with the statement given. I shall elucidate my viewpoints in the forthcoming paragraphs. Young people who are given the same punishment as adults may face severe injuries as compared to adults who have very good stamina and developed strength. Children who are in their youth do not possess the same health abilities
moreover
 their bones have not fully reached maturity so
for instance
 if they are burdened with inflictions
such
 as carrying heavy loads or weeding a huge plot of land, they may end up depleting their energy stores . Concurrently, they may end up dying .
Furthermore
, Adolescents who end up indulging in crime may have no idea of what they are doing thereby following their peers into these activities warranting them to be punished with strict measures the same as adults receive .I see
this
 not to be right
instead
 a correctional centre should be established for the young to receive much psychological therapy with minimal work to ascertain why the child indulged in
such
 practices. Recent reports declared by City news in the "daily times" an article written by Azuza mentioned that most children did not have the intention to indulge themselves in
such
 activities and were
therefore
 penalized. Conclusively, having no reasons for stealing and the health risk attached to the implications of the punishments makes me disagree with the aforementioned motion put across.
Submitted by maryquartey65 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: