ome people say that the best way to improve Vinsers’ health is by increasing the number of sports facilities at VinGroup or Vinhomes locations. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health at those sites and that other measures are required. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion

#ome #people #vinsers’ #health #sports #facilities #vingroup #vinhomes #locations #effect #sites #measures

Some people think that raising a wide range of sports facilities at

Vingroup

locations is considered the best way to enhance Vinser's health

while

others argue other methods are required. I will outline

this

problem in the following essay On the one hand, there are

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

several reasons why

increase

Add an article

the increase

an increase

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

sports facilities is the best method to enhance Vinser's

heath

Correct your spelling

health

show examples

Firstly

, taking part in some sporty

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

daily would build up the

residents 's

Remove the s

residents'

show examples

immune system,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

muscles, and

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

bones.

As a result

This

cannot make them more prone to physical diseases

such

as obesity, cardiovascular systems,

respiratory

Correct word choice

and respiratory

show examples

disease.

Secondly

, Participating

Change preposition

in these

show examples

these activity

Change the determiner

this activity

these activities

show examples

can help the locals avoid some mental problems. In fact, in the

morden

Correct your spelling

modern

society many people have to finish excessive

working

Replace the word

work

show examples

, leading to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

pressure in their life,

thus

joining some

sporty

Replace the word

sports

show examples

clubs make them

relieve

Correct subject-verb agreement

relieves

show examples

stress and anxiety.

On the other hand

, I totally claim that some other methods can improve the residents at

Vingroup

To begin

with, the

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

Vingroup

can allocate

their

Correct pronoun usage

its

show examples

budget to construct more Vinmec international hospitals.

Therefore

This

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

people can access healthcare systems more easily when they have any

healthy

Replace the word

health

show examples

problems.

Moreover

Vingroup

can offer well-known doctors in the world to have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

effective treatment. To be more specific, By

this

method Vinmec can treat complicated

deseases

Correct your spelling

diseases

to prolong life

expectation

Fix the agreement mistake

expectations

show examples

for the patients, leading to

improvement

Correct article usage

the improvement

show examples

of healthcare services. In conclusion,

Although

development

Add an article

the development

show examples

of sporty

actitives

Correct your spelling

activities

actives

the

Correct article usage

show examples

good method to improve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Vinser's health, I strongly believe that some other important methods will be expected.

Submitted by Andy on Mon Mar 20 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In the future, nobody will buy printed books or newspapers because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying? To what extent, do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Beside a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think is a positive or negative development?

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.