IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In my country, young people have better lives than their parents had when they were young. Use reasons and examples to support your answer.

#country #people #lives #parents #support
Most
people
 in my
country
 think that the current generation has a better life than the generation before that used to have. Personally, I believe that there was no better time to be alive. Young
people
 are growing up in an excellent environment. My own
country
 is a compelling example of
this
, which I will
exlplore
Correct your spelling
explore
 in the following essay.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 the laws, rules and restrictions that my government passed over the
last
 20 years. I live in Germany and we have a
well functioning
Add a hyphen
well-functioning
show examples
 economy. When my parents
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 young, the economy was good as well, but there were major differences regarding minimum wage and working hours. Back
then
, the minimum wage was
unreasonable
Change the word
unreasonably
show examples
 low.
Therefore
 it was not possible to live off that. In today’s world, the government ensured that everybody has a chance to live
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 certain
standars
Correct your spelling
standards
. The minimum wage, which all companies have to pay, is high enough to not only survive
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but to truly live. Of course, most
people
 have the desire, to earn more than that. But there is no reason to stress because of money. I am glad that Germany has taken
this
 one step
further
: We have something in our
country
 called Hartz IV, which is a safety umbrella created by our
country
. It is an
insurence
Correct your spelling
insurance
, that if you cannot find work in Germany, you get money from the Government for a certain time frame, which covers
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all of your expenses, including food, rent and basic needs.
This
 is something that did not exist when my parents were young and
proofs
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proves
show examples
 that we are living in better times.
Secondly
, it is
incredible
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incredibly
show examples
 easy for us to raise our political
voice
Fix the agreement mistake
voices
show examples
. Because of channels like social media or the Internet as a whole, we have the chance to participate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
political debate quite easily. Back in the
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
, there was only Television and
Newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
, which are both controlled by older
people
.
Therefore
, it was mostly not possible to make political statements for young
people
. But in today’s world, we are just three clicks away from posting a tweet.
This
 is something we should value more
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it
proofs
Replace the word
proves
show examples
 our higher life
standars
Correct your spelling
standards
. Being part of the
politcal
Correct your spelling
political
discurs
Correct your spelling
discuss
discourse
 of my
country
 is one of the things, we should be grateful for.
Submitted by Anonym on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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