in some countries, fast food restaurants and supermakets give money to schools to promote their products. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #food #restaurants #supermakets #money #schools #products #development

It is undeniable that several fast

food

chains thrive in success in their sales, so they donate their money to schools in order to promote their products in return. In my opinion,

this

is a positive development;

however

, I will explain some issues stemming from

this

trend. On the one hand,

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

charity from fast

food

companies

play

Change the verb form

plays

show examples

a crucial role in improving a better standard of students and

school

buildings. One reason for

this

is that some educational institutions may lack basic equipment and fund, which brings about certain underdeveloped conditions for

learning

Add an article

the learning

a learning

show examples

environment. Another factor is that some students live in destitute conditions, and they are in need of assistance. In Thailand,

for instance

, most children from middle-class families are likely to suffer from poverty.

Therefore

, it would be better if those fast

food

chains can provide

aids

Fix the agreement mistake

aid

show examples

and funds to a

school

On the other hand

, there is an

unsatisifying

Correct your spelling

unsatisfying

outcome for

this

phenomenon. Needless to say, the more they promote their

merchandises

Fix the agreement mistake

merchandise

show examples

, the poor health of children might be. To put it simply, when it comes to giving charity, they are possible to advertise their products, which can be detrimental to juveniles' health because they will purchase more unhealthy

food

For example

, in Thailand, many

school

children are being bombarded by snacks or sweets products from countless convenience stores these days because they offer tuition fees for

school

kids;

therefore

this

leads to terrible effects. In conclusion, even though certain fast

food

can be harmful to the young, it is acceptable that the chains donate

Correct article usage

the budget

show examples

budget

Fix the agreement mistake

budgets

show examples

to schools. I am of opinion that

this

trend is more advantageous for a whole community.

Submitted by keakyenge on Mon Mar 20 2023

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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in some countries, fast food restaurants and supermakets give money to schools to promote their products. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while other people argue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In some pleces old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. discuss both views and give your opinion.

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?

As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that drivers should cover the costs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.