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Band 4.5

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
These days vocational training is a second choice for people who don'
t
 like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
office jobs. So some workers think that electricians and plumbers are not good enough
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 to learn,
while
 others believe that it is
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 best choice.
This
 essay will discuss both sides and
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 draw my personal conclusion.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, communities
doesn'
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
t
 welcome everyone to study in universities.
For example
,
These
Correct pronoun usage
Those
show examples
 who can'
t
 complete their education are desperate to find something to make their leaving. So
of course
Add the comma(s)
, of course,
show examples
 they will get the best
train
Replace the word
training
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 to do something
instead
 of studying.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the lack of qualified workers needs more attention and
encouraged
Replace the word
encouragement
show examples
 so everyone
consider
Change the verb form
considers
show examples
 it an option.
On the other hand
,
this
 kind of business doesn'
t
 bring a lot of money. To illustrate, most of the society prefers doing water and electricity problems by themselves they don'
t
 need someone to do it for them.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 workers are not getting paid enough for a long time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 fixing
water
Correct article usage
a water
show examples
 faucet takes time and effort but it's still cheap.
Hence
 the belief That
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 less income than the others.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 sometimes the tools are expensive and you have to buy the best quality. For an instance. If you get the lowest price peace that won do the job correctly so people won'
t
 like your work.
This
 proves clearly that qualified
worke
Correct your spelling
work
 is not the best option. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both points of view, I believe that everyone has a choice to do what they are comfortable with but of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 I agree that we must encourage people to do vocational training.
Submitted by lama2004 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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