IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Unemployment is one of the biggest problems of contemporary society. What do you think are the main causes of unemployment? What solutions can you suggest?

#unemployment #society
In our modern life,joblessness
considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
show examples
 one of the biggest
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
 around the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
,
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
 is gradually affecting our life,health and enemy.From my point of view, I believe the main reason
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
 population and
robots
 work
instead
 of working.
This
 essay first will suggest
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the large problem caused by
this
 limiting the
number
 of children in families and replacing
robots
 with job humans and suggest
available
Add an article
an available
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
. The foremost problem
caused
Add a missing verb
is caused
show examples
 by
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number
 of
people
 from year to year
Add a missing verb
is and
show examples
and
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 very few have
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
 own job because some
people
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not any
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 or they do not
Add a missing verb
have handicraft
show examples
handicraft
Fix the agreement mistake
handicrafts
show examples
.
That is
 why Government should
restriction
Replace the word
restrict
show examples
 the
number
 of children in families and
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
such
 as decreasing
a
Change the article
the
show examples
number
 of
people
 and they may
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 their own work.Another point is that the leadership must formulate a quality educational system.Take an example from India, many students need a good educational system and
people
 who live in India have poor knowledge and
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge to worklessness.
In addition
 to that,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many modern
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 have a lot of modern
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
show examples
 and technology has
developing
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
 year by day.
For example
,
in famous
Correct your spelling
infamous
show examples
 company used
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
robots
instead
 of employees because managers think that,
robots
 work very fast than real staffs
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
others
strongly
Add a missing verb
are strongly
show examples
 against that
robots
do
Change the verb
are
show examples
 not able to
critical
Change the word
critically
show examples
 thinking and they never replace
people
. In conclusion, unemployment is the foremost problem around the world and it has some causes and
pulation
Correct your spelling
population
 and the second caused by
this
 replacing
robots
.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: