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Band 4

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
Some individuals are
in
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of
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opinion
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the opinion
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 that
a
Correct article usage
apply
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numerous
of
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apply
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famous
people
 identify with their appearance and rich property
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
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 their own success and
this
 is causing a bad impression among
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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youngsters
.From my way of thinking many young
people
 should not learn from celebrities their bad habits.
This
 essay partly agrees with the given statements for some reason and inclinations
along with
 examples will be justified in the following paragraphs. On the one
hand
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,hand
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 many famous
people
 are encouraged
their
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by their
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 style and wealth
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
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their
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by their
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 achievements because they try to attract
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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supporters in order to earn a lot of money.
Therefore
, celebrities focus their form and style every time and
this
bring
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brings
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 to change young
people
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people's
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 character and behaviour because teenagers
are often try
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are often trying
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 to
imitation
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imitate
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 famous
people
 and it caused by
interest
Correct subject-verb agreement
interests
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 to
youngsters
.
However
 ,some famous
people
 identify with their good
feature
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features
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 and
this
 is not harmful
for
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to
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 teenagers.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 some individuals really believe that imitate to well-known
people
is
Correct your spelling
it
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 might be harmful
for
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to
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youngsters
 and they appeal to
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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change their form
such
 as plastic operation
their
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on their
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 face and they may try to imitate. Nowadays
this
 is
Add an article
an increase
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increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 every famous person
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not note their images in a unique way.
Therefore
, some teenagers try to follow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good behaviour and it would be beneficial for them. In conclusion, a number of famous
people
identity
Replace the word
identify
show examples
 with their appearance and wealth than their achievements and
this
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 to
youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
show examples
 behaviour and form.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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