IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many manufactured food and dring products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consmume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #products #levels #sugar #health #people #consmume
In the modern world, it is increasingly common for
people
 to undertake unhealthy food
such
 as
sugar
products
.
As a result
, the vast majority of them have health
unxieties
Correct your spelling
anxieties
. My point of view is that governments should motivate
people
 to minimize sweets in other ways.
This
 essay will examine my opinion in more detail and propose some possible solutions. The main reason that I believe is
people
's dependence.
For instance
, if councils bring a law where unhealthy
products
 will be high priced, it
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not stop
people
 to buy these.
Moreover
, it could be challenging for them to understand
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 harmful quality of using it. An additional point might be for
governmets
Correct your spelling
governments
 to encourage society
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
 up
sugar
 by allocating money for educational
leassons
Correct your spelling
lessons
 which provide them
disease
Change preposition
with disease
show examples
 consequences. Another crucial argument is for
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
. One of the main
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 is their low quality of
products
 which destroyed
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 health. After that , medical supplies usage cannot afford
people
 to improve their issues. In my opinion, food and drink production may
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
reduce
sugar
 by creating
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
new nutrition ,
therefore
 adults make a helpful purchase.
On the other hand
, there are those who put forward that
sugar
products
 have to make more expensive to decrease
consumers
Change noun form
consumers'
consumer's
show examples
 demand.
Moreover
, local
people
 cannot afford to spend their funds on
unhelthy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
.
Consequently
, it should considerably improve each life.
To conclude
, having looked at
this
 topic in more detail,
it is clear that
 price may play
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of the main role when individuals choose
products
.
Although
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 balance, I am of the opinion that
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of quality in
manufactures
Wrong verb form
manufacturing
show examples
 and educational courses could
imrove
Correct your spelling
improve
 much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 health issues
as well as
 reduce
usage
Add an article
the usage
show examples
 of
sugar
.
Submitted by jelizaveta.andrejeva on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: