IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and dring products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consmume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #products #levels #sugar #health #people #consmume
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In the modern world, it is increasingly common for
people
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 to undertake unhealthy food
such
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 as
sugar
Use synonyms
products
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.
As a result
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, the vast majority of them have health
unxieties
Correct your spelling
anxieties
. My point of view is that governments should motivate
people
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 to minimize sweets in other ways.
This
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 essay will examine my opinion in more detail and propose some possible solutions. The main reason that I believe is
people
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's dependence.
For instance
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, if councils bring a law where unhealthy
products
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 will be high priced, it
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not stop
people
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 to buy these.
Moreover
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, it could be challenging for them to understand
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 harmful quality of using it. An additional point might be for
governmets
Correct your spelling
governments
 to encourage society
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
 up
sugar
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 by allocating money for educational
leassons
Correct your spelling
lessons
 which provide them
disease
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with disease
show examples
 consequences. Another crucial argument is for
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
. One of the main
cause
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causes
show examples
 is their low quality of
products
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 which destroyed
a
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apply
show examples
person
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person's
show examples
 health. After that , medical supplies usage cannot afford
people
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 to improve their issues. In my opinion, food and drink production may
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
reduce
sugar
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 by creating
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
new nutrition ,
therefore
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 adults make a helpful purchase.
On the other hand
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, there are those who put forward that
sugar
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products
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 have to make more expensive to decrease
consumers
Change noun form
consumers'
consumer's
show examples
 demand.
Moreover
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, local
people
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 cannot afford to spend their funds on
unhelthy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
.
Consequently
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, it should considerably improve each life.
To conclude
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, having looked at
this
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 topic in more detail,
it is clear that
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 price may play
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of the main role when individuals choose
products
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.
Although
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,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 balance, I am of the opinion that
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of quality in
manufactures
Wrong verb form
manufacturing
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 and educational courses could
imrove
Correct your spelling
improve
 much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 health issues
as well as
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 reduce
usage
Add an article
the usage
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jelizaveta.andrejeva on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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