The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
The diagram provided describes the
process
of
sugar
production and formation from
sugar
cane
. The
process
given is man-made. The starting point is the harvesting of
sugar
cane
after the
end
of the growth stage
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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takes about 12 to 18 months and the ending point is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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usually the drying and cooling stage of
sugar
. The
end
product is
sugar
.
Overall
, after analyzing the above stages, it can be seen that the formation
process
of
sugar
from the raw material
sugar
cane
entails many steps
such
as harvesting, crushing, purifying, evaporating, centrifuging, and
finally
drying and cooling. It is a repeated
process
. The
end
product is dried and cool
sugar
crystals. The starting point is harvesting the mature and grown
sugar
cane
by farmers. It is interesting to note that the growth phase’s duration is around 18 months. After the
end
of
first
Correct article usage
the first
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stages comes the crushing
process
where farmers put the
sugar
canes inside a machine where it grinds the canes into liquid juice.
This
leads to the final four stages of the
process
which are purification, evaporation, centrifuge and drying and cooling. In the purifying step,
liquid
Correct article usage
the liquid
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juice of
sugar
cane
is purified with a Limestone filter to extract the filtrate.
Then
, the evaporator uses heat to transform the purified juice into syrup.
As
Change preposition
In
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final
Correct article usage
the final
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steps,
sugar
crystals are separated by centrifuge, dried and cooled in a huge container.
Submitted by reham.mk93 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar, cane, end with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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