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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart illustrates the changes in the percentage of people who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and who weren't born in
Australia
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 and living in urban, rural and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
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 from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that most of the people were born in
cities
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 outside
Australia
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,
while
Linking Words
 the least
were
Change the verb form
was
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 born outside
Australia
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 too, but living in rural
areas
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. First of all, in 1995, the percentage of children who were born in
Australia
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 and living in
cities
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 was 50%. People who live in town reached 20%, but almost 30% of the citizens were born in rural
areas
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.
However
Linking Words
, 60% was the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans who were born outside
Australia
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living
Wrong verb form
live
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 in
cities
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. By far, 10% of the nationals live in towns and 40%
live
Replace the word
life
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 in rural
areas
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the ratio in 2010, over 60% were born in
Australia
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 and
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time in
cities
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the same percentage of individuals, which is 15%, live in town and rural
areas
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inside
Change preposition
in
show examples
Australia
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. Significantly, 80% of the nationals, which was the highest record, live in
cities
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 outside
Australia
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. After that, citizens who live in towns and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 reached 10% and 5%, respectively.
Submitted by malak.ayman1 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 79%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, cities, areas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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