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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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People hold a conflicting view that the
science
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 of
food
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 and
food
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 preparation should be taught as a compulsory subject for
students
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,
while
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 others think that
students
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' time should be allocated
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 major
subjects
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. Personally, I firmly believe that the first suggestion could assist
students
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 more. On the one hand, there are some rationales why
students
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 should spend their time on crucial
subjects
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. One of the rationales is qualification. It can be explained that many certifications,
such
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 as the SAT or IELTS, are only available through core topics.
As a result
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, these credentials may make it easier for
students
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 to apply for future employment opportunities. Another reason is that core
subjects
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 could improve
students
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' knowledge. Some
subjects
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, like math, could boost the logical intelligence of children,
while
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 others, like history and geography, can help
students
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 have more knowledge about a place or a country.
However
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,
food
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science
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 and how to prepare it have emerged in some educational programs in recent years.
On the other hand
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, for
students
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, learning about
food
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science
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 and preparation may be quite advantageous.
First,
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learning about
food
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science
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 could probably lead to healthier lifestyles for pupils.
Students
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 can understand whether foods are unhealthy or good by learning about the nutritional value, content, and structure of each type of
food
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.
As a result
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, they naturally tend to choose to consume better foods and lead healthier lifestyles.
For instance
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,
students
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 eventually give up fast
food
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 after realizing its negative effects.
Second,
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teaching at-risk pupils about
food
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 and cooking will help them become more self-reliant.
Students
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 who learn about
food
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 preparation could be better equipped to manage and cook
food
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.
Students
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 may
then
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 take care of themselves without unduly depending on their parents. In conclusion,
although
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 studying core topics can have certain advantages, I think
students
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 should
also
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 dedicate part of their time to learning about
food
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science
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 and how to prepare for its two advantages: a healthy and independent lifestyle.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay presented a logical sequence of ideas, stronger connectors and clearer transitions between paragraphs would improve the overall flow. Consider varying your sentence structures and make use of cohesive devices that help to guide the reader through your arguments and reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the essay's main points. Include a succinct thesis statement that presents both sides of the argument and clearly states your position. Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points and restates your personal viewpoint more emphatically.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need better development and support. Use more elaborated arguments and include clear, relevant examples to back up your points. Each body paragraph should center on one main idea and expound on it in detail, followed by a supporting example that is directly related to the topic at hand.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but the balance between discussing both views is slightly uneven. Spend equal time exploring each perspective, and provide a more detailed personal viewpoint that aligns with the arguments presented.
task achievement
Ideas need to be expressed more comprehensively with additional detail and explanation. Aim to deepen the analysis of each view by discussing implications, significance, or potential outcomes associated with each perspective.
task achievement
While there are examples included, they are somewhat generic and lack specificity. Providing detailed and specific examples that directly relate to the key points will enhance the argument's strength and demonstrate a higher level of task achievement.
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