An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #surgery #appearance #operation #change #development

The majority of

women

are conditioned to look fascinated. They opt for cosmetic procedures in order to enhance their looking.

Consequently

, cosmetic

surgery

has been booming in the past years. There are plenty of reasons why

women

desire to do

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

cosmetic treatment. First of all, cosmetic procedure stems from the low esteem of people and non-acceptance of themselves. There is too much pressure to be stunning and slim, and it causes emotional distress and an immense amount of self-loathing in

women

all over the world. We are bombarded with perfect images of

women

on a daily basis by advertisements and it influences

women

to have a resemblance with the appearance of celebrities. They become unconsciously dependent on beauty standards that have been created by models. All these factors cause the necessity of cosmetic surgeries to look brilliant. To my view, every coin has two sides, and the same goes for plastic

surgery

. Cosmetic

surgery

, like any type of

surgery

Add the comma(s)

,surgery

show examples

is not without risks. It involves medical complications that are able to arise afterwards. Another drawback of

surgery

is that outcome will not match the desired result On other hand, despite these disadvantages, plastic procedure assists many people

Change preposition

show examples

feeling

Change the verb form

feel

show examples

deliriously happy and fill the void in the soul.

For example

, cosmetic

surgery

is a vital part of their lives in Korea. They consider that improving appearance is able to gain promotion even at work. Cosmetic

surgery

will be developed

due to

the advanced technology that cut down the risks of diseases occurring after procedures. In summary, demand for cosmetic

surgery

has been boosted because of an increased interest in

surgery

, as technological advancements make procedures more appealing

Submitted by idantiris19 on Tue Mar 21 2023

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

278 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Idealized beauty standards
Cosmetic surgery
Advancements in medical technology
Socially acceptable
Self-improvement
Psychological well-being
Competitive workforce
Youthful appearance
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
Physical appearance

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