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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that in countries with high unemployment, the retirement age should be lowered to allow more young people to get jobs. What would be the advantages and disadvantages of doing this?

#people #countries #unemployment #retirement #age #jobs
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In today's society, employers demand
workers
Use synonyms
 with 3 or more experience in the field of the position.
However
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, for young
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people
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,people
show examples
 it is a problem because it narrows the choice of jobs.
Additionally
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,
this
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 makes the unemployment rates go up. Some
people
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 assert that making the
age
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 of retirement lower could help younger ones gain jobs easier,
therefore
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, reducing unemployment.
Although
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 many
people
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 tend to differ. In
this
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essay
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,essay
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 I will point out the advantages and disadvantages of bringing younger
people
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 into workplaces. To start with, youth are more enthusiastic and creative.
This
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 could help companies to generate more innovative ideas to bring better success. As
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans grow older they tend to
favor
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favour
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 traditions as they were bringing more money to
the
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apply
show examples
employers in the past. But as technologies advance and attitudes to certain topics are changing some of the traditions are becoming outdated and not as useful.
Therefore
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, employing young minds full of fresh ideas could save the business from
bankruptcies
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bankruptcy
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.
Secondly
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,
people
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 at a younger
age
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 have more motivation and energy for work.
This
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 can really benefit the company
,
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apply
show examples
 because more work could be done than hanging on to employees of much older
age
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. Senior employees seem to make fewer mistakes than younger employees, but the advantage of energy and stimulation can outweigh their issues.
Additionally
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, youth absorb and apply new information faster. For older
people
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 it is harder to keep up with new details and data,
therefore
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 taking more time to adjust. For the
companies
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,companies
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this
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 is a burden as usually the used time to adapt for the elderly could cost a lot of money, because of production
delay
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delays
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.
On the other hand
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, older
people
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 have more experience in the field, so younger ones could take up years to master.
For example
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, pharmacies have production quality control where
workers
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 test the products. Some of the errors could be so insignificant that
for
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apply
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the young eye would not seem
as
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like
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 the issue or not even be considered. Missed problems could lead to big losses
,
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apply
show examples
 because a whole month of work of creating the product can be
disposed
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ofdisposed
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. As drugs have to be produced of
a
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apply
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very high quality and the smallest mistake could ruin
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Consequently
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, older
workers
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 are highly appreciated, because they
insure
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ensure
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the
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apply
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product safety and prevent costly damage to the company
To sum up
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, I would say that introducing more
people
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 of
younger
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a younger
show examples
age
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 could help companies to stay successful as they could bring more unique ideas to the table and be more efficient
workers
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 in the workplace as they can adapt better and faster to the changes.
In contrast
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, youth are not as attentive as senior
workers
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 and could cost a company a lot of money, because of overlooked errors.
Submitted by oimigle on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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