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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of society. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology?Should children spend more time learning art and music at school? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#art #music #elements #society #place #today’s #world #technology #children #time #school
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Since we living in
twenty-first
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the twenty-first
show examples
 century there is no doubt that information
technology
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 has played a major part in our day-to-day life.
Subjects
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 like
music
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 and
arts
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 are fading away from our society.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, many peoples believe that these
subjects
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 should remain and every child continue to learn from the early stage of life.I partially disagreed with the point as I believe in modern society Information
technology
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 is the most important and children must spend more
time
Use synonyms
 learning
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
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 but at the same
time
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Music
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 and
Arts
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 cannot be ignored.
Firstly
Linking Words
 when we discuss career opportunities there is very minimum demand for
music
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 and art section and at the same ,
time
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 everyone is not talented in those
subjects
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.but information
technology
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 not required talent and everyone can learn in the job market many vacancies are available with demands.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I strongly believe that children should not spend much
time
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 on those
subjects
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
music
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 and
arts
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 will benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
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a later stage of every children's life
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 for creative thinking and
also
Linking Words
music
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 and
arts
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 can entertain people which really need for modern society. In conclusion, I feel schools should not remove the
arts
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 and
music
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 from their curriculum because every child has the right to follow their interests but we cannot
also
Linking Words
 deny the importance of IT in today's world, and to completely turn your back on it would be a foolish mistake with devastating consequences.
Submitted by ixionks on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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