Parents should encourage children to spend less time on studying and more time on doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parents want their children to succeed in life and

as a result

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, they always motivate their children to spend more time in physical

activities

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such

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as sports and yoga, as compared to studying. Physical

activities

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do have their obvious advantages but in my opinion, studying is equally important and the following arguments will prove

this

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. There are countless advantages of physical

activities

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which include but are not limited to sports, yoga, meditation and dance. First and foremost, these

activities

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increase endurance and stamina, and improve blood and oxygen flow which in turn, increase the body's strength and mental focus.

Moreover

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, consistently exercising these

activities

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regular

Correct article usage

a regular

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basis boosts immunity and eliminates the cause of common diseases

such

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as diabetes,

blood

Correct word choice

high blood

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pressure and many more.

Furthermore

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, bodily chemical fluids released are essential for the body's functioning.

For instance

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, melatonin is responsible for inducing sleep and not doing any physical tasks is the root cause of insomnia.

On the other hand

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, education is equally important. Being able to read, write and comprehend solves most of the daily problems

one

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encounter

Fix the agreement mistake

encounters

show examples

and

additionally

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, it makes you astute and improves your problem-solving ability.

Moreover

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, it boosts

one

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's self-confidence and adds to

one

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's personality.

For example

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, imagine a renowned athlete struggling to speak in front of media reporters.

Lastly

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, in my opinion, being able to educate oneself and have the financial freedom to pursue studies in a field of

one

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's choice is a privilege and everyone should leverage it to its maximum as it does not harm in any way and is always a cherry on the cake. To summarise, the importance of physical

activities

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is at par with book education. From my perspective, parents should never give high weightage to either studies or physical

activities

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and always strike a balance between both. Having said that, I do not agree that guardians should motivate their children to study less compared to physical exercises.

sarthakpatel2404

Mar 22, 2023

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task response

Task Response: The essay provides a clear position on the given topic and supports it with relevant arguments. However, there is room for further development of some points to enhance the depth of analysis.

coherence cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a good logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported and connected coherently. To improve, work on maintaining consistency in linking ideas and using a wider range of cohesive devices for a more sophisticated connection between sentences and paragraphs.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical activity
Development
Concentration
Obesity
Burnout
Sedentary lifestyle
Healthy lifestyle
Intellectual development
Structured activities
Teamwork
Leadership
Sedentary behavior
Tech addiction
Role models
Family bonds

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