It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (eg.dinosour,dodo,..). There are no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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era of globalisation, some people argue it is
natural
Add an article
a natural
the natural

The noun phrase natural process seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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process for certain
animals
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animal

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of animals. Consider changing it to singular.

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species
such
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as dodo or
dinosour
Correct your spelling
dinosaur
dinosaurs

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to become extinct and there is no reason why
community
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the community

The noun phrase community seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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should try to prevent
this
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from
occur
Change the form of the verb
occurring

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. From my personal point of view, I strongly agree with the statement aforementioned above.
This
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essay will
further
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elaborate my views and
thus
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lead to a logical conclusion. Supporting my agreement
to
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with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the given statement, I firmly believe
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this phenomena
Change the determiner
this phenomenon
these phenomena

It appears that the singular demonstrative this is modifying the plural noun phenomena. Consider using a plural demonstrative or a singular noun instead.

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is natural. As To cite an example, in New Zealand, the bird species called Kereru
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply

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able to swallow seeds of native
threes
Correct your spelling
trees

The word threes doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and disperse them had extinct. The extinction of
this
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may result in
loss
Correct article usage
the loss

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of many native trees
due to
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a
large scale
Add a hyphen
large-scale

It seems that large scale is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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fire and extreme changes in climate.
Consequently
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,
this
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small population of birds could be vulnerable to extinction. Explaining some
other
Correct quantifier usage
another

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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point in favour
with
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the statement is
the
Correct your spelling
that

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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human activities give impact
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

situation. Since human is one of the most brilliant living creatures on earth, they contribute to massive destruction.
For instance
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, when the human population
increase
Replace the word
increased

The word increase doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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year by year, they began to
built
Change the verb
build

It appears that the verb built should be in the base form as part of the to-infinitive following began. Consider changing the verb form.

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their own territory by constructing
Add an article
a building
the building
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building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings

It seems that building may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, exploitation of natural resources and more which creates pollution and loss of habitats.
As a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it
increase
Change the verb form
increases

It appears that the subject pronoun it and the verb increase are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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the number of endangered flora and fauna. To summarise, it is undeniable that human life has been maintained by a natural world. It is predicted that the extinction will come back to be a natural event and not be in relation to human activities.

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