With the growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development?
Today, more and more
people
are moving toward the urban areas from villages, which causes the population of cities to grow too high. Due to
the limited amount of land, many city dwellers have to live in a house with small or no backyards, specifically apartments. The fact that there are more and more high-rise apartment
buildings is a result of this
phenomenon. In my opinion, this
development has two sides, and the below essay will give explanations for my viewpoint.
On the one hand, there are a couple of positive aspects. Firstly
, building many apartment
buildings helps solve the population problem in big cities. An apartment
building can accommodate at least 500 people
, whereas
a house can not meet that. For instance
, in Ho Chi Minh City, apartment
buildings have solved the housing problem for 47 per cent of the dwellers. Secondly
, living in an apartment
helps us avoid noise and air pollution. The health of people
who live near streets will be badly affected by emissions and noise from vehicles, on the contrary
, those living in apartments will not be affected by traffic.
On the other hand
, those living in apartments will have to pay different fees, such
as security, cleaning and parking fees. This
increases the cost of living for many families. For example
, in Ho Chi Minh City, apartment
dwellers have a 30 per cent higher cost of living than homeowners. Furthermore
, if you want to open a party with more than 10 people
, you must ask permission from the apartment
management.
To conclude
, according to
the arguments aforementioned above, more and more people
living in a house with small or no outdoor areas is a great development. However
, it still has some disadvantages regarding money and comfort.Submitted by ngbinhminh22lawsgu on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a good logical structure but could be improved. Provision of an outline in the introduction is a good start but ensure each subsequent paragraph clearly follows the outline. For instance, the second paragraph makes a solid argument for the positives of living in an apartment, but the third paragraph could be more coherently focused on other potential benefits rather than adjusting immediately to the negatives.
task achievement
You've addressed the task quite satisfactory. However, you may consider presenting a clear position at the onset since the question specifically asks if the phenomenon is a positive or negative development. The sentence, 'This development has two sides,' is a bit obscure and could be seen as not fully responding to the question. While neutrality is allowed, it is advisable to clearly declare a stance and then expound on the reasons (pros and cons) for holding that stance.
lexical resource
You possess an excellent range of vocabulary. However, be careful with redundancy. For example, 'more and more' is used excessively. Try using synonyms like 'increasingly', 'continually', or 'progressively' to avoid monotonous repetition.
grammatical range and accuracy
Grammar and punctuation are generally well-handled in your essay. However, remember to avoid run-on sentences like, 'In my opinion, this development has two sides, and the below essay will give explanations for my viewpoint.' This can be more succinctly written as: 'In my opinion, this development has both positive and negative aspects, which I will discuss in this essay.'