With the growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development?

#population #cities #people #home #areas #development

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Today, more and more

people

Use synonyms

are moving toward the urban areas from villages, which causes the population of cities to grow too high.

Due to

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the limited amount of land, many city dwellers have to live in a house with small or no backyards, specifically apartments. The fact that there are more and more high-rise

apartment

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buildings is a result of

this

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phenomenon. In my opinion,

this

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development has two sides, and the below essay will give explanations for my viewpoint. On the one hand, there are a couple of positive aspects.

Firstly

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, building many

apartment

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buildings helps solve the population problem in big cities. An

apartment

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building can accommodate at least 500

people

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whereas

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a house can not meet that.

For instance

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, in Ho Chi Minh City,

apartment

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buildings have solved the housing problem for 47 per cent of the dwellers.

Secondly

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, living in an

apartment

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helps us avoid noise and air pollution. The health of

people

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who live near streets will be badly affected by emissions and noise from vehicles,

on the contrary

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, those living in apartments will not be affected by traffic.

On the other hand

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, those living in apartments will have to pay different fees,

such

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as security, cleaning and parking fees.

This

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increases the cost of living for many families.

For example

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, in Ho Chi Minh City,

apartment

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dwellers have a 30 per cent higher cost of living than homeowners.

Furthermore

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, if you want to open a party with more than 10

people

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, you must ask permission from the

apartment

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management.

To conclude

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according to

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the arguments aforementioned above, more and more

people

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living in a house with small or no outdoor areas is a great development.

However

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, it still has some disadvantages regarding money and comfort.

Submitted by ngbinhminh22lawsgu on Thu Mar 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

Your essay provides a good logical structure but could be improved. Provision of an outline in the introduction is a good start but ensure each subsequent paragraph clearly follows the outline. For instance, the second paragraph makes a solid argument for the positives of living in an apartment, but the third paragraph could be more coherently focused on other potential benefits rather than adjusting immediately to the negatives.

task achievement

You've addressed the task quite satisfactory. However, you may consider presenting a clear position at the onset since the question specifically asks if the phenomenon is a positive or negative development. The sentence, 'This development has two sides,' is a bit obscure and could be seen as not fully responding to the question. While neutrality is allowed, it is advisable to clearly declare a stance and then expound on the reasons (pros and cons) for holding that stance.

lexical resource

You possess an excellent range of vocabulary. However, be careful with redundancy. For example, 'more and more' is used excessively. Try using synonyms like 'increasingly', 'continually', or 'progressively' to avoid monotonous repetition.

grammatical range and accuracy

Grammar and punctuation are generally well-handled in your essay. However, remember to avoid run-on sentences like, 'In my opinion, this development has two sides, and the below essay will give explanations for my viewpoint.' This can be more succinctly written as: 'In my opinion, this development has both positive and negative aspects, which I will discuss in this essay.'

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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With the growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development?

Nowadays some high-school graduates travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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