IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that traditional culture can be destroyed as money-making attractions to tourists. However, others believe that it is the only way to save traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #culture #attractions #tourists #traditions
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Nowadays, individuals are divided into two groups. The first group argued that traditional
culture
 can be
knock
Wrong verb form
knocked
show examples
 down because of different amusements and attractions for tourists. Meanwhile, the second group believes that it does not the core
couse
Correct your spelling
cause
 of
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 distraction.
Nevertheless
, from my
perspective
Add a comma
,perspective
show examples
 I support
opinions
Correct article usage
the opinions
show examples
 of these two groups.
From
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand ,
tourism
 has its own advantages.
To begin
 with, it is very profitable.
Tourism
 text percentage
around
Add a missing verb
is around
show examples
 30%.
In other words
,
instead
 of
enterpreneurs
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
 authority makes good money
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
.
Hence
,
tourism
 can stimulate
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the country.
Furthermore
, thanks to
tourism
 many people find out something new about
country
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
are visit
Change the verb form
are visiting
show examples
.
Also
, the main point which attracts individuals is
culture
. So, from my point of view, historical
bildings
Correct your spelling
buildings
show examples
, museums etc. which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
culture
 should be improved and renovated.
Additionally
, all the amenities which were made for
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 as well can be used by citizens.
From
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, tourists can leave a lot of rubbish and even damage some parts of the monuments.
Moreover
, if
Correct article usage
an entrepreneur
show examples
entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not care about
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
city
Change noun form
city's
show examples
 atmosphere and historical places ,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can ruin it.
However
, the main purpose of
tourism
 is to introduce
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
culture
.
Consequently
, government and
buisnessmen
Correct your spelling
businessmen
 should do everything
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
show examples
 to do in order to make a big emphasis on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history, tradition and
culture
. In conclusion,
tourism
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
culture
.
In contrast
,
authority
Add an article
the authority
show examples
 should be careful with all businessmen and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not give permission
built
Change the verb form
to build
show examples
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
 in historical and cultural places.
Submitted by slobodanatol83 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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