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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The best way to improve health is to exercise daily. To what extent do you agree?

#health #exercise
It is undeniable that the most effective way to become more healthy is to do a regular
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
.
However
, in my opinion, there are some
factors
 that should be taken into consideration to keep our bodies fit.
To begin
 with, doing
regularly
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regular
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excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 can
consequently
 lead to fitness in the long run. First and foremost, it helps strengthen our heart and
muscle
Fix the agreement mistake
muscles
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, which is important because we can gain more stamina when it comes to participating in certain activities,
such
 as lifting things or climbing a ladder.
Secondly
, it
is
Verb problem
benefits
show examples
 not only
benefit
Verb problem
apply
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our bodies but
also
 our minds because of certain hormones, which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 us feel more pleasant after working out.
As a result
, it is essential for improving our
overall
 health in the long term.
On the other hand
, other
factors
 are crucial in terms of maintaining well-being.
Firstly
, needless to
say
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say,
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 that diets and
nutritients
Correct your spelling
nutrients
 are significant
factors
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
ones
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one
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 healthier. Vitamins and minerals from food have played an important role in modern diets, which is vital that they
helps
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help
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 protect
various
Change preposition
against various
show examples
 serious diseases these days.
For example
, individuals who consume highly
nutriented
Correct your spelling
nutritious
 food are likely to have
the
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apply
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longevity in
lifespan
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their lifespan
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.
Moreover
, those who have ordinary sleep patterns may contribute to a better level of productivity at
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the workplaces
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workplaces
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workplace
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,
thus
, they can perform their tasks without sleep deprivation.
Hence
, the more we are aware of nutrition and sufficient rest, the better our fitness will be. In conclusion, even though doing
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exercise frequently has many health benefits, other
factors
,
such
 as balanced diets and enough sleep should be taken
in to
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into
show examples
accounted
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account
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 as well. I am of
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
show examples
 that the balance should
be ensure
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be ensured
show examples
 to optimal fitness.
Submitted by keakyenge on

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task response
The essay addresses the task but could provide a more complete response by elaborating more on the advantages and disadvantages of daily exercise.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but there is some lack of coherence and cohesion in the body paragraphs. It can be improved by using better transition words and ensuring a logical flow of ideas.
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