IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

“Public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree?”

#“public #libraries #books #waste #resources #media #software #videos #dvds
Nowadays,
libraries
 contain improved technology media .
such
 as,videos and DVDs ,which is might be
consecider
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consider
 as something
usefull
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useful
,
a
Correct word choice
but a
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lot of people
beleive
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believe
 it is
such
 a waste of money. In my opinion, using modern techniques to attract the younger generation is a huge
invesment
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investment
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
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a
Remove the article
apply
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wasted money. In the past,
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
libraries
Add a comma
,libraries
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 it was all about books, which is only paper books, which is an acceptable thing until
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
invade
Correct subject-verb agreement
invades
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 our life. And
that is
 why we should spend more money and resources on developing it ,so it will co-op the new world. In
oreder
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order
 to attract a new generation to go to the
libraries
, using new tech to
influance
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influence
 people to do so.
For example
, nowadays there is
somthing
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something
 known as
Add an article
an audio
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audio book
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audiobook
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, which is a recorded script of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 book, using
such
 a thing in
Correct article usage
a puplic
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puplic
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public
 library will
assest
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assist
asset
 in attracting the younger generation ,who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 always distracted by the media that
on
Add a missing verb
are on
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 their phones all the time, to spend more time in a place like that.
to conclude
, spending more finance and
resorces
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resources
 on developing new modern technology in a
puplic
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public
 place ,namely
libraries
 is in my
openion
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opinion
, a must in
this
 time we live in because we can not ignore the world around us ,which moves forward
speadly
Correct your spelling
speedily
steadily
speed
.
Submitted by alaaelsokkary212 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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