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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You work in a very big office. There is a popular and cheap restaurant in the building. The boss is thinking of removing the restaurant and replacing it with a childcare facility for the working parents in the office. You have been asked to respond to an opinion survey. Why do you prefer your choice? Explain the reasons for your choice. Option A: I think we should keep the restaurant. Option B: I think we should replace the restaurant with a childcare facility.

#work #office #restaurant #boss #childcare #facility #parents #survey #choice #option #b
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While
 I see the benefit of having a restaurant, I believe having a childcare facility is a better option because it leads to the protection of the underage and provides greater
revenue
 in terms of investments.
Firstly
, I will need to state that the protection of the under age is paramount and comes first to any parent's mind.
Hence
, to have
Add an article
a
show examples
well-focused
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 who
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 their best at work, they must rest assured their
children
 are in safe hands closest to their vicinity. An example is what was promoted by XMB Limited which encourages their staff to enrol their
children
 on schools closest to the office. More so, in terms of ,
revenue
this
 seems a viable option. As we have a society with more than 40% of the population made up of
children
 and teenagers, there is a great opportunity for
revenue
 as there is a great demand for these services. An example is what was reported in a publication that stated we need more schools in the city of Derby published in 2020. In conclusion, I believe the erecting of
children
's facilities will help our society and benefit your pocket in terms of
revenue
.
Finally
, Thank you for the chance to provide my opinion towards the improvement of our great esteemed community.
Submitted by olayonuoluwatimilehin on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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