IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Television has become an important part of our lives. What are the causes behind it? Is it a positive or negative development?

#television #part #lives #development
Television is not merely an innovative piece of technology but
also
 a curse for humankind. Nowadays, it becomes a pertinent factor
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our daily lives.
Although
 it has
plether
Correct your spelling
plethora
pleather
 of useful
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
, it
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 a negative
development
 in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 growth. It certainly holds many repercussions behind it.
This
 essay will discuss causes for TV playing an essential part in our practice and will provide
Add an article
an alogical
the alogical
show examples
alogical
Correct your spelling
a logical
show examples
 conclusion. There are several
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
 that contributes
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the attraction towards it.
Firstly
, our psychology plays a major role. As we
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
adapt to
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 television from our initial period, it is so hard to get back
from
Correct pronoun usage
itfrom
show examples
.
For example
, children are obsessed with the recreational program that telecasting in it without knowing how harmful it would be.
Moreover
, a person who
enthusiastic
Add a missing verb
is enthusiastic
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 daily news
feed
Fix the agreement mistake
feeds
show examples
 either from educational, industrial and etc., are more vulnerable to
this
 technology. As they can receive plenty of
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 information, it would be so intense for them to leave
this
 platform. It is
also
 noted that
this
 is a conventional practice from our former period.
Therefore
, these are some existing
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for TV
playing
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
 an important role in our lives.
However
, it
is earn
Change the verb form
is earned
show examples
 is plenty of damaging
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
development
. Primarily,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of youngster feel difficult to concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their studies because of their attention towards
tele
Correct your spelling
the
 program.
For instance
, it is medically proven that a neurochemical in our body called dopamine
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 for keen
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attention largely driven by the use
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 kind of media .
Nevertheless
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
screen
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made up of LED emits more dangerous radiation that affects
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
 the most.
Hence
, neither the health nor the personal
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
development
 from
attachment
Add an article
the attachment
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 television. In a nutshell, the preceding factor
contributing
Wrong verb form
contributes
show examples
 to
bring
Change the verb form
bringing
show examples
 in TV to our daily aspect which in turn we all
receiving
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 complexity in our life so,
it
Correct word choice
so it
show examples
 would be a negative
development
.
Submitted by ananthaprasanth on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: