IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government’s #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #government #funds #services
Some
people
 believe that doing investment by the
government
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extra
circulam
Correct your spelling
circular
 activities is considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 total wastage.
However
, others think that investing
money
 in social services is much worth it. I partially agree with
this
 statement.
Since
Change preposition
For
show examples
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time most children and
adoloescents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 make their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
interest like
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crafts, acting, music and many more.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, they achieve
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of success and make fame in the world. With the support of
Add an article
the government
show examples
government
Add a comma
,government
show examples
 they can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their dreams
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 don't have enough
money
 to invest and risk their life.
Moreover
, these things gave a lot of relaxation and act as
stress
Add an article
a stress
show examples
buster
Fix the agreement mistake
busters
show examples
 for those who get
frusturated
Correct your spelling
frustrated
from
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with
show examples
 their hectic schedule. One clear example is ,
according to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent survey 80% of
the
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apply
show examples
people
 are doing
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 and spending most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time at work and they
are not left
Change the verb form
have not left
show examples
 with
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that they can give to themselves. So, these things help them a lot to get relief and keep their mental health good. On the other side,
ministry
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the ministry
show examples
 should take care of the public service as
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 priority because with the gradual increase in the
population
Add a comma
,population
show examples
 the demand from them
also
 get higher like public transport, hospital, schools and many more. With the rise in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
infaltion
Correct your spelling
inflation
 local
people
 are getting
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 and they
ususally
Correct your spelling
usually
 demand
for
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
government
 services because they are way cheaper and
effective
Correct quantifier usage
more effective
show examples
.
For instance
,
mass
Add an article
the mass
a mass
show examples
 of
below
Correct pronoun usage
those below
show examples
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
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 rate
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 dying of
hungerness
Correct your spelling
hungers
hungriness
hunger ness
 with no food and shelter. So,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
spending
money
 in these sectors will be the divine
blessings
Fix the agreement mistake
blessing
show examples
 for them. In conclusion, I think
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should do proper balancing in investing the
money
 in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sectors as it will make a huge difference in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. By taking care of keen
interset
Correct your spelling
interest
show examples
 in extra
circulum
Correct your spelling
curriculum
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 and public services
people
 will have no
complains
Replace the word
complaints
show examples
 from them.
Submitted by alishadhunna2 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Economic stimulus
  • Civic engagement
  • Cultural diplomacy
  • Innovation
  • Austerity measures
  • Quality of life
  • Multifaceted
  • Opportunity cost
  • Tangible vs. intangible benefits
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Cultural capital
  • Interdisciplinary collaboration
  • Public policy
  • Socioeconomic factors
What to do next:
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