IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government’s #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #government #funds #services
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that doing investment by the
government
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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extra
circulam
Correct your spelling
circular
 activities is considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 total wastage.
However
Linking Words
, others think that investing
money
Use synonyms
 in social services is much worth it. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Since
Change preposition
For
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long
Change the article
a long
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 time most children and
adoloescents
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adolescents
 make their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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interest like
in
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apply
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crafts, acting, music and many more.
In
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As
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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, they achieve
lot
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a lot
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 of success and make fame in the world. With the support of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the government
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government
Add a comma
,government
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 they can
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 their dreams
especially
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,especially
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 don't have enough
money
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 to invest and risk their life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these things gave a lot of relaxation and act as
stress
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a stress
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buster
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busters
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 for those who get
frusturated
Correct your spelling
frustrated
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their hectic schedule. One clear example is ,
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
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 recent survey 80% of
the
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apply
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people
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 are doing
job
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the job
a job
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 and spending most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time at work and they
are not left
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have not left
show examples
 with
anytime
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any time
show examples
so
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apply
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that they can give to themselves. So, these things help them a lot to get relief and keep their mental health good. On the other side,
ministry
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the ministry
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 should take care of the public service as
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 priority because with the gradual increase in the
population
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,population
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 the demand from them
also
Linking Words
 get higher like public transport, hospital, schools and many more. With the rise in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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infaltion
Correct your spelling
inflation
 local
people
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 are getting
most
Correct article usage
the most
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effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 and they
ususally
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usually
 demand
for
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
government
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 services because they are way cheaper and
effective
Correct quantifier usage
more effective
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.
For instance
Linking Words
,
mass
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the mass
a mass
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 of
below
Correct pronoun usage
those below
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poverty
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the poverty
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 rate
are
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is
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 dying of
hungerness
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hungers
hungriness
hunger ness
 with no food and shelter. So,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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spending
money
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 in these sectors will be the divine
blessings
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blessing
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 for them. In conclusion, I think
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government
Add an article
the government
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 should do proper balancing in investing the
money
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 in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sectors as it will make a huge difference in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. By taking care of keen
interset
Correct your spelling
interest
show examples
 in extra
circulum
Correct your spelling
curriculum
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 and public services
people
Use synonyms
 will have no
complains
Replace the word
complaints
show examples
 from them.
Submitted by alishadhunna2 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Economic stimulus
  • Civic engagement
  • Cultural diplomacy
  • Innovation
  • Austerity measures
  • Quality of life
  • Multifaceted
  • Opportunity cost
  • Tangible vs. intangible benefits
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Cultural capital
  • Interdisciplinary collaboration
  • Public policy
  • Socioeconomic factors
What to do next:
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