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Band 4.5

in spite of the advances made in agriculture , many people around the world still go hungery. why is this case? what can be done about this proplem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #hungery #case #proplem
The number of people ,who are starving,around the
world
 ,are in continuous increase every day.
This
 essay will discuss some of the reasons that might be causing
this
 obstacle ,
as well as
 the solutions to
this
 case. In the
last
 50
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 technology has
envaded
Correct your spelling
invaded
evaded
 the agricultural
world
 ,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
 a lot of resources are spent on how to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 it.
for example
, a new way of watering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plants is been done in a number of farms in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed
countries
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
 depending on the hydrational state of the plants ,which means if the plants are getting dry ,the water system will
automaticaly
Correct your spelling
automatically
 open .
However
, with
this
 improvement, a huge number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
indiveduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 around the
world
 especially in Africa are in starvation.The reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 case
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 mainly
due to
 the
seriusly
Correct your spelling
seriously
dameged
Correct your spelling
damaged
 economy in these
countries
.
additionally
, the majority of these places are
controled
Correct your spelling
controlled
 by the western
world
such
 as America and France.Not only the western
world
 controls these
countries
 ,but
also
 it
drain
Change the verb form
drains
show examples
 its resources
as well as
 , the modern
technologyis
Correct your spelling
technology is
 only exclusive to these
countries
 because
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 much it costs.All of
this
 directly or
in directly
Correct your spelling
indirectly
show examples
 leads to people in
hunger
. In order to solve or even
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 to solve
this
 situation, a huge effort should be done,not only by the
countries
 suffering from
hunger
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the capable ones. To illustrate, those places suffering from
this
 case should
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
 a new policy to save
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own people.
while
 the developed
countries
 should donate to those in
hunger
 especially
which
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 caused by war.
to conclude
,with the environmental changes ,which
been
Add a missing verb
have been
show examples
 happening lately ,
any one
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
 might experience
hunger
 ,for so many reasons
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 why it should be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a matter of humanity ,and it is solution should be on everyone’s
shoulder
Fix the agreement mistake
shoulders
show examples
. In order
Submitted by alaaelsokkary212 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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