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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that young children need to attend nursery before primary school. While others believe young children can spend all day at home. Duscuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #nursery #school #home #duscuss
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Few people are of the
view
 that the younger ones should attend primary
school
 directly
instead
 of attending primary first and some are of the
view
 opposite
view
. In the following ,paragraphs I will discuss both views
along with
 my opinion. First and foremost, schooling is an important part of
one
's life and attending the same from a young age i.e. starting from nursery and going up to the primary classes plays a vital role in developing a kid's future and his way of thinking and expressing his ideas in the society.
For instance
, a person who is going to an institution and attending kindergarten lectures will be more innovative and learned than the
one
 who straightforward forward stepping to the primary class at a later age.
Moreover
, a child who is in his younger days grabs knowledge more speedily
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 older
one
.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 the personality of the
one
 learning at an early stage will definitely be better than the other. On the other side, some individuals are of the
view
 that sending a child directly to his primary
school
 is more beneficial to his growth and proper early childhood care can be provided to him by his parents at home.
For example
, a baby spends the pre-primary days of his life in the hands of his parents who provide him with the best of everything which will enhance his knowledge when going to
school
 at the primary level.
Therefore
, the
overall
 growth of
this
one
 will be better than the
one
 having the pressure of completing things on time.
To conclude
, I would say that providing the facility of
school
 to
one
's ward totally depends upon the thinking of
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
parents and the way they want to bring up their child looking upon his best interests.
Submitted by resume2012principal on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer position in the introduction and conclusion
task achievement
The main points need more development and support
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