IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The government should spend money on promoting sport and art in schools, rather than sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #sport #art #schools #sports #events #communities
When the issue of how
government
 should spend
money
 comes into view, there exist conflicting opinions. I partially agree that
government
 should focus on sponsoring professional
sports
 and art events more than promoting the same topics at
schools
. An investment made by the
government
 is very critical for the
development
 of arts and
sports
. I believe that the investment will provide better opportunities for national athletes or artists ;
however
, I can't fully support
this
 statement since nothing impression it gives.
On the other hand
, investing
money
 in
schools
 for arts and
sports
 will help
children
 develop critical thinking and persistence.
Both
 sides have their own merits, which will be outlined below.
To begin
 with, the national athletes or artists rely heavily on
government
money
 in order for them to able to excel and perform in an international competition.
Both
 professionals need to start developing their talents from their earliest stage by joining communities event.
Moreover
, the
money
 given by the
government
 can be utilized to give the best facilities possible. One example is by providing facilities with international standards.
Therefore
, they can develop their talents and excel in upcoming competitions.
On the other hand
, we will discuss the importance of investment in arts and
sports
 at
schools
. Education plays a very important part in
children
's
development
. Most
schools
 provide art and
sports
 as a part of their curriculum.
Both
 subjects can help
children
 to develop critical thinking, persistence and creativity.
For example
,
sports
 require problem-solving as a part of critical thinking and persistence to be able to win the game.
In addition
 to that,
sports
 allow
children
 to learn how to manage a team and work together.
For instance
, some types of
sports
 require two groups of people to play the game. Even though investing in
schools
 may seem a small step but it is very critical for the
development
 of
children
. To sums up, where there are arguments for
both
 sides, I believe that it is better for
government
 to invest their
money
 in promoting
sports
 and art at
schools
.
This
 step will help the
development
 of our future generation since it helps to build a strong character and critical thinking.
Submitted by alifahrc on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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