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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that boys and girls should attend school together. Others feel that they should be educated separately. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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During the
last
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 few decades, there has been a controversial debate about whether boys and girls should attend school together.
While
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 some argue that male and female pupils should not mix, I strongly believe that they should engage in the same schools because it helps build up their personalities at an early age.
People
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 who oppose
this
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 idea are mainly pointing out that a mixed environment can create unnecessary issues like unacceptable relationships that negatively affect children's studies. On the one hand, many
people
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 who have conservative mindsets emphasize that girls and boys must go to school separately. They have come to
this
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 opinion based on a belief that there is a huge chance of creating useless affairs like mating that negatively affect their final educational throughput.
Therefore
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, they strongly refuse restructuring processes in which policymakers are willing to mix up children.
For instance
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, some countries from North Africa decided to maintain only mixed schools after a comprehensive study about complications that may appear in their conventional education systems. But, as a vast majority of citizens opposed executing that decision based on the same fact described above, governments reversed their newly introduced policies.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 including me agree that the new policies should be introduced to make all the students mix up in one classroom as it is the most practical way that helps to understand their opposite genders effectively. It is better to follow up on
this
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 phenomenon from an early age. That practice makes them comfortable to build up their personalities easily. As an example, a leading research organization in America has shown that there is a huge difference in self-confidence between two
people
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 who have attended mixed and non-mixed schools in their childhoods. In conclusion, we witness a prolonged debate in which some individuals believe that girls and boys are required to attend the same school
while
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 others don't agree with them based on negative impacts on children.
Nevertheless
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, I stand with the idea that males and females should always work together from their childhood as it grants many opportunities to develop their social confidence and personality.

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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to illustrate your points. For example, mention specific studies or expert opinions that support your argument for mixed or separate schooling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain the logical flow. This can be achieved by adding transitional phrases and sentences that link different sections of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and words to make your writing more interesting and dynamic. Use synonyms or rephrase sentences where possible.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both sides of the issue, which is a key requirement for an academic essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, ensuring a cohesive structure.
task achievement
The essay conveys clear and comprehensive ideas, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.
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