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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The flow chart illustrates the consequences of deforestation. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The flow chart illustrates the consequences of deforestation. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The flow chart shows
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about cutting down forests.
Overall
Linking Words
, there stand out four
the
Correct article usage
apply
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main
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 are caused
deforestation
Change preposition
by deforestation
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, which leads to floods and less biodiversity.
Firstly
Linking Words
, knocking down trees in a forest can cause fewer roots are holding the
top
Correct your spelling
topsoil
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soil
Use synonyms
, which
leat
Correct your spelling
lead
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 to erosion of
Use synonyms
soil
Correct article usage
the soil
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, deforestation can
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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risk
Correct article usage
the risk
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 of
fair
Correct your spelling
fire
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, both deliberate and accidental ones, leading to demolish waste of wood and
Micro-organisms
Correct your spelling
microorganisms
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 feeding on waste.
In addition
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 result in drought
due to
Linking Words
 less precipitation caused by less amount of warm which plants return to
air
Add an article
the air
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. All of
Linking Words
this problem
Fix the agreement mistake
these problems
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 can lead to
rise
Add an article
the rise
a rise
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 of pioneer species and
degradation
Correct article usage
the degradation
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 of vegetation, eventually leading to less biodiversity.
Secondly
Linking Words
, heavy
logginf
Correct your spelling
logging
equepment
Correct your spelling
equipment
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 for clearing the forest can compress the
soil
Use synonyms
, which becomes hard and baked.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 rain water runs off from the
soil
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
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 it can
leading
Change the verb form
lead
be leading
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 to floods

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words soil with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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