IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The flow chart illustrates the consequences of deforestation. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The flow chart illustrates the consequences of deforestation. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#flow #consequences #deforestation #information #features #comparisons
The flow chart shows
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about cutting down forests.
Overall
, there stand out four
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
main
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 are caused
deforestation
Change preposition
by deforestation
show examples
, which leads to floods and less biodiversity.
Firstly
, knocking down trees in a forest can cause fewer roots are holding the
top
Correct your spelling
topsoil
show examples
soil
, which
leat
Correct your spelling
lead
show examples
 to erosion of
soil
Correct article usage
the soil
show examples
.
Furthermore
, deforestation can
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of
fair
Correct your spelling
fire
show examples
, both deliberate and accidental ones, leading to demolish waste of wood and
Micro-organisms
Correct your spelling
microorganisms
show examples
 feeding on waste.
In addition
, it can
also
 result in drought
due to
 less precipitation caused by less amount of warm which plants return to
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
. All of
this problem
Fix the agreement mistake
these problems
show examples
 can lead to
rise
Add an article
the rise
a rise
show examples
 of pioneer species and
degradation
Correct article usage
the degradation
show examples
 of vegetation, eventually leading to less biodiversity.
Secondly
, heavy
logginf
Correct your spelling
logging
equepment
Correct your spelling
equipment
using
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 for clearing the forest can compress the
soil
, which becomes hard and baked.
Due to
this
 rain water runs off from the
soil
.
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 it can
leading
Change the verb form
lead
be leading
show examples
 to floods
Submitted by p.zhukova89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words soil with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: