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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph compares the daily travel of British commuters using three different vehicles from 1970 to 2030.

The line graph compares the daily travel of British commuters using three different vehicles from 1970 to 2030.
The given graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of UK
people
Use synonyms
 who commute
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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 by 3 different types of transportation over a course of 60 years, starting from 1970.
Overall
Linking Words
, the figures for daily UK commuters travelling by
car
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 and train grow considerably,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of
bus
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users
Use synonyms
 witnesses a slight drop over the period shown.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
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car
Add an article
the car
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 remains the most favoured mode of transportation. It can be seen that
car
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users
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 always outnumber those who adopt others. In 1970, the
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 driving
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car
Add an article
a car
the car
show examples
 to work was over 5
million
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 it was about 4
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 using
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the bus
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bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
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 and 3
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
railway passengers.
However
Linking Words
, from 2010 to 2020, the
number
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 of train commuters increased significantly (approximately reaching 4
million
Use synonyms
 in 2020)
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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Use synonyms
bus
Add an article
the bus
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 the least
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 transportation of all with less than 3.5
million
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users
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. From 2020 to 2030, it is anticipated that the trend of
3
Correct article usage
the 3
show examples
figures will still stay unchanged. On the one hand, the
number
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 of
people
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 who commute by
car
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 is predicted to continue to rise
substaintially
Correct your spelling
substantially
 and
finally
Linking Words
 reach its peak of 9
million
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 in 2030. In terms of other
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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, in 2030, the predictions express that the
number
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 of railway passengers will end up as the runner-up,
while
Linking Words
bus
Use synonyms
users
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 will experience the least
number
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 (about 5
million
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 and 3
million
Use synonyms
 respectively).

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, car, bus, users, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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