IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have a huge negative impact on young people and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #society
It is argued that social media sites(
such
 as Facebook) have a massive negative impact on the
youngest
Correct word choice
young people's
show examples
 lives and society. I disagree with
this
 opinion and I believe that it helps them to be more aware of what happens in society
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
communicate with other people and express themselves. On the one hand, nowadays, access to
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
social networking is
more easily
Correct word choice
easier
show examples
 because of the Internet which
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to more teenagers spending more time online.
As a result
, people post their lives online and
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 search for information about anything. These sites allow them to communicate with friends and family and share data, photos and events.
For instance
, one of my friends uses
this
 site to speak and share pictures with her family
while
 they are abroad and
also
 helps her to be more involved in hobbies because on
this
 site she
found
Wrong verb form
finds
show examples
 other individuals with the same interests. It is important to pay attention to the material and content they
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 and share on social media, and not spend too much time or disclose privacy.
On the other hand
, the youngest who spend time on these platforms are more aware and involved in what
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
 in the world. Today everything is posted online and it is easier to get info about any topic or institution.
For example
, my brother used
this
 site to find more data about universities. He found an account of the university and
then
 he asked for details and opinions of other teenagers, which helped him to make a correct and appropriate decision. It is very important to verify the content found on certain online platforms before you make a decision. In conclusion, I disagree with those who believe that social networking has a negative impact on young people's lives or society and I consider that helps them to communicate more and be informed about what
happened
Wrong verb form
is happening
show examples
 in the world.
Submitted by Alex on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more developed to provide a stronger framework for your essay. Your points are generally relevant and well-supported, but be mindful of consistent organization and clear connections between ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed the task prompt and presented a well-structured argument. Make sure to fully support your position and provide a more balanced approach by acknowledging and refuting counterarguments.
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