IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

It is an undeniable fact that
obesity
Use synonyms
 has become a serious problem in many
countries
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. The
portion
Use the right word
proportion
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 of overweight
people
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 in wealthy nations is significantly higher than in developing
countries
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.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly
due to
Linking Words
 addiction to fast
food
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 and the sedentary lifestyle of rich
people
Use synonyms
. The following essay will discuss the reasons for
obesity
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 and probable methods to overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue. The prominent cause of
obesity
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 in wealthy
people
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 is the frequent consumption of junk foods. Their financial background allows them to afford expensive fast
food
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 rather than a home-cooked meal. The busy lifestyle inherited by them gives
small
Correct word choice
little
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 freedom to prepare healthy homemade foods. Most
people
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 in rich
countries
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 engage in
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 physical activities
due to
Linking Words
 seated jobs or
Correct article usage
the utilization
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utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
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 of servants and high dependence on automated devices. They are unable to burn all of their calorie
intakes
Fix the agreement mistake
intake
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causing
Punctuation problem
, causing
show examples
unmatching
Correct word choice
an unbalanced
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 height and weight
balance
Check wording
apply
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. Regarding solutions, the fundamental action is that the government or other regulatory bodies should implement strict laws for fast
food
Use synonyms
 providing entities. The rules and regulations should clearly indicate the content of nutrition and calories permitted for a product. Public awareness programs should be conducted to create
comprehension
Check wording
awareness
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
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obesity
Use synonyms
 and its consequences to society. The walking tracks, gyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 sporting grounds should be constructed to engage the public in more physical activities. Individually,
people
Use synonyms
 should adhere to a well-designed diet plan to balance the net calorie consumption. In conclusion,
obesity
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 is a major problem in rich
countries
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, causing hazardous consequences to individuals and society. The habit of eating healthy and nutritious
food
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 and engaging in regular physical activities can
solve
Verb problem
help solve
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 and lead to a healthy and active life.

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positive
Your essay has a good outline with an introduction, body, and conclusion. Keep this structure in a clean way.
advice
Link ideas across paragraphs with clear connecting words, e.g., 'in addition', 'however', 'as a result'.
advice
Give more concrete examples to support your claims, such as data on obesity rates or specific programs that worked in some countries.
advice
Be careful with word choice; aim for precise statements and avoid repeating 'obesity' too often.
advice
Improve paragraphing: each paragraph should have one clear main idea with supporting details.
organization
Clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
content
Includes both causes and solutions.
language
Uses simple words to explain ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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