IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #managers #salaries #workers #company
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has been argued by many individuals that companies should give huge amounts of money to the head of the department
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 the other personnel. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 given statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay shall shed light upon my perspective in the subsequent paragraphs
along with
Linking Words
 a reasoned conclusion. Foremost, the fundamental cause behind my agreement is that
managers
Use synonyms
 have more responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the entire
work
Use synonyms
. Owners of industries give authority to organizers to manage all the business and how to become successful their firm.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that in India 90% of employers provide massive sums of capital to supervisors because they control the
work
Use synonyms
 in a better way with the assistance of
this
Linking Words
 more than 300 hundred companies have touched the sky and
earn
Wrong verb form
earned
show examples
 name and fame.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the second point is that
managers
Use synonyms
 have much knowledge about their field as they have completed their
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it
as well as
Linking Words
 they know
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
 of time and
work
Use synonyms
, so they always
done
Change the form of the verb
do
show examples
 their
work
Use synonyms
 by optimal method,
whereas
Linking Words
 workers do not
work
Use synonyms
 properly in
domain
Add an article
the domain
a domain
show examples
 so
that is
Linking Words
 why the majority of people prefer to give high salary than labour.
For example
Linking Words
, it is published an article by The Tribune newspaper showed that approximately 65% of the population
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 income
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
control
Correct subject-verb agreement
controls
show examples
 the whole
work
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is beneficial for humans who are educated.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 employees and
managers
Use synonyms
 should same income,
managers
Use synonyms
 have more stress related to their sector as compared to
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of staff.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Address the prompt directly and cover all aspects of the given topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, with cohesive devices used effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • justification
  • experience
  • responsibility
  • high-stakes decisions
  • motivation
  • incentive
  • wage disparity
  • morale
  • meritocracy
  • performance
  • contributions
  • company finances
  • employee development
  • research
  • expansion
  • alternative compensation structures
  • performance-based bonuses
  • profit sharing
  • dissatisfaction
  • retention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: