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Band 5

Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions?

#people #areas #cities
Nowadays
people
 love to
move
 themself to the
cities
 for more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 live a better life
qualitiy
Correct your spelling
quality
. So
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, in
this
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 problem and the solutions below.
To begin
 with, the main problem of
this
 can be
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 is that in the
cities
area
 can be more
conjested
Correct your spelling
congested
 because when
people
 try to
move
 to the city that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
limited space.
This
 can make the
cities
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
more busy
Replace the words
busier
show examples
 than before in the future.
For instance
, better
education
 and
jobs
aways
Correct your spelling
always
show examples
 be in the
cities
 so it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people
 like
move
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 home from rural to find greater
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
life opportunities and quality. So that the
cities
 that have a good environment can be decreased by higher of
people
 moving in.
For the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 ways to
slove
Correct your spelling
solve
show examples
 the problem are the government should make the rural
area
 to be able to create their own
jobs
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
education
 quality.
Firstly
, the government have to give
a knowledge
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
 to peoples in
rural
Add an article
the rural
show examples
area
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to make
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own
jobs
 because if the
people
 know to create
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
jobs
 in the future in the rural
area
 will be more work opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 local
people
 to prevent them to
move
 to the
cities
.
Secondly
,
education
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important factor to make
people
move
 to the
cities
 if we can set up the
education
 systems in the rural
area
 to become higher.
People
 in rural will not need to
move
themself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to study in the
cities
.
Lastly
, Both of the solutions that have been
suggest
Change the verb form
suggesting
suggested
show examples
 might not cover all the reasons that make
people
move
 to the
cities
 but if we make these solutions work
people
 will feel more
appreiated
Correct your spelling
appreciated
 to live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural. In conclusion, the majority of problems that make
people
move
 to
cities
 are to have a better quality of life that can not be found in the rural, so if we could make rural areas better all the problems might not happen.
Submitted by witchayutpie on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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