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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart illustrates the percentage of changes in annual
expenditure
Use synonyms
 by local officials in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, In all three years, the greatest
expenditure
Use synonyms
 was on
education
Use synonyms
. But
while
Linking Words
 K-12
education
Use synonyms
 saw a fall from 25% in 1980 to only 18% of spending in 2000, higher
education
Use synonyms
 remained the largest proportion, reaching 45% of total spending in 1990 and ending at 40% in 2000.
Firstly
Linking Words
, 35% of total money was spent on the higher
education
Use synonyms
 service in 1980, which rose to 45% in 1990, but saw a decline in 2000 and the number was 40%. After that comes the K-12
education
Use synonyms
 sector and 25% of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 were made in 1980,
whereas
Linking Words
 20% of total money was budgeted in 1990 and it was only 18% in 2000. In the transportation field, 16%, 6% and 22% of total money were used to make changes in the years 1980, 1990 and 2000 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the in-charge authority spent 14% on the health and human resources service in 1980, which was 6% higher in 1990 and in 2000 it was 4% less.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on environmental services was 4%, 5% and 9% respectively, which is very less compared to other fields.
Finally
Linking Words
, in other sectors, the percentage witnessed some decrease over the years from 6% to 4% and only 1% remained in the
last
Linking Words
 given period.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, education with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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