Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is true that traditional and religious festivals have been a part of nations' heritage, but nowadays, individuals seem to not properly enjoy those important celebrations.
This
essay totally agrees with
this
statement, I believe that
people
have forgotten the true meaning of these ceremonies. First of all, the recent breakthroughs in technology have changed
people
's lives forever, society, friendships and even families are not seen as they used to, human beings now tend to care less about their community's legacy and their spiritual side and start thinking only about themselves and
this
due to
the way the internet, smartphones
as well as
laptop that have impacted the mentality of individuals, they helped in one way or another selfishness to grow like never before in our society, and
as a result
, humans seem to not enjoy their
traditions
and their religions' rituals.
Secondly
, another reason is that life has become more expensive than ever,
therefore
,
people
now concentrate on means to make money,
for example
, their career or their business and spend most of their day trying to get enough income to afford their needs.
Moreover
, globalization gave
people
the opportunity to look at the way other foreigners live and they do not necessarily have the same
traditions
and values which can make
people
lose interest in their own beliefs and try to copy others not knowing the true meaning of their
traditions
and festivals and how it kept society and legacy alive for that long.
To conclude
, there are convincing arguments both for and against the statement;
however
, I believe that
people
forgot
Wrong verb form
have forgotten
show examples
the true meaning of their
traditions
Submitted by saberyouc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay lacks a clear and structured response to the prompt, and the main points are not effectively presented.
coherence cohesion
The introduction does not effectively introduce the main points, and the conclusion is weak. The essay lacks coherence and cohesion in transitioning between ideas and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: