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Band 4.5

at the present time ,the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults , compares with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
A
noticable phenoamenon
Correct your spelling
noticeable phenomenon
 recently is the
avrage
Correct your spelling
average
number
 of
people
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 younger ages surpassed those who are old.Which has a
double edged
Add a hyphen
double-edged
show examples
 aspect ,especially towards society.
This
 essay will discuss whether the positives of
this
 situation outweigh the negatives. The
number
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals,who are at ages
from
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apply
show examples
20 years to 40 years, is increasing more and more
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.There is
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of reasons behind
this
.Namely,the elevated health care around the world .
As well as
 higher quality of
life
 .
As a result
 ,the
number
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youth is elevating,which have a significant effect on our
life
.
For example
, the higher the
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
persons
Change to a genitive case
person's
persons'
show examples
 numbers , the better
performance
Correct pronoun usage
their performance
show examples
 they do in their work
life
.Especially,those who work in jobs
Correct pronoun usage
that requires
show examples
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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physical activity.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 larger
number
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
oldcents
Correct your spelling
old cents
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
demande
Correct your spelling
demand
 a specific status of
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 assistance .Which will lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lower
acomplishments
Correct your spelling
accomplishments
 in terms of work .
on the other hand
,
this
 situation might lead to a
number
 of unfortunate issues.
Such
 as,
this
 generation
propably
Correct your spelling
probably
 will suffer from anxiety and depression
as a result
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
continuous stress ,which is a
commen
Correct your spelling
common
 feeling
that is
 shared between the entire group of
people
.
Moreover
,
this
 condition might lead to a
commen
Correct your spelling
common
comment
 less experienced
life
 ,as those
people
 do not have someone to
guid
Correct your spelling
guide
 them in
life
.
to conclude
,in my opinion, living in a community
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 the majority of its population are
people
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 younger
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 has advantages surpassed its disadvantages.
Submitted by alaaelsokkary212 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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