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Band 6

Some people believe that social media sities such as facebook or twitter have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships others believe these sities are benefical

#people #media #sities #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
Due to
 advancements in ,technology a large number of social networking
sites
 are available which makes a better way of communication for
people
, and they can talk across different parts of countries through Facebook, Twitter and WhatsApp,
while
 many
people
 assert that it could be the negative approach for building the personal
relationships
 among
people
.
According to
 many individuals , social media
sites
 are beneficial for
people
to talk
Verb problem
apply
show examples
who are living far away ,they can feel connected to their family , friends and house;
moreover
, love, affection and care feelings will not be declined.
For example
, many students are living abroad for higher education, but ,still they are connected with their loved ones through social networking
sites
such
 as Facebook and WhatsApp.
Moreover
, It's convenient to find friends online;
for instance
, one of my friends is living in Delhi, but I lost connection after my senior secondary , but I found him on Facebook.
As a result
, many
people
 can do the same to stay connected.
According to
 the opponents, online
sites
 cannot provide a large proportion of benefits because sometimes online information can not be true because many
people
 make fake accounts
for trapping
Change preposition
to trap
show examples
people
,
while
 it's better to build better
relationships
 through face-to-face communication ;
as a result
, it will be helpful to develop intimate
relationships
.
Moreover
, children are suffering physically and mentally after spending enough time on social networking
sites
.
Also
 , children can be easily distracted from studying. In conclusion, no doubt, social networking
sites
 provide several benefits , but their negative effects could not be neglected
such
 as poor
relationships
 and negative effects on children.
Submitted by navjotguri on

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more developed and clearly outline the main points of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is unclear at times and the links between ideas need to be established more effectively.
task achievement
You have provided relevant ideas and examples, but try to elaborate on them further to fully support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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