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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #gym #membership #summarise #features #comparisons
The line graph reveals the number of both male and female members in a gym for 30 years; from 1980 to 2010. In general,
men
 recorded an
overall
 fall through
wide ranged
Add a hyphen
wide-ranged
show examples
 ups and downs
while
women
 saw
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
the gradual
show examples
 increasing trend to the point where it eventually outnumbered
male’s
Change noun form
male
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 over the designated
time-scale
Correct your spelling
time scale
show examples
.   In 1980, 1000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
 were members of the gym
whereas
 the twice amount of
men
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
. In
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 five years, both sexes reflected
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend to reach respective double figures compared to its proceeding data had
resistered
Correct your spelling
registered
.
However
, in the next decade, mele’s figure plummeted to stand at approximately 1600.
On the other hand
,
figure
Add an article
the figure
a figure
show examples
 of
women
 remained
its
Change preposition
in its
show examples
 growing momentum and surpassed that of
men
 to be
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 verge of reaching 3000 at the same time.  After 1995,
men
 recovered
its
Change preposition
from its
show examples
 reduction, and
furthermore
, their number
skyrocketted
Correct your spelling
skyrocketed
 to hit their peak at 5000.
Nevertheless
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the final term, they dramatically plunged, getting
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 trough at roughly 600 in 2010. As for
women
,they fructuated ranged between about 2300 and 2800 for the first 21st
century’s
Change noun form
century
show examples
 decade,
although
 they marked around 1900 in the
last
 data.
Submitted by lisa_smile_2 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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