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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #gym #membership #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line graph reveals the number of both male and female members in a gym for 30 years; from 1980 to 2010. In general,
men
Use synonyms
 recorded an
overall
Linking Words
 fall through
wide ranged
Add a hyphen
wide-ranged
show examples
 ups and downs
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 saw
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
the gradual
show examples
 increasing trend to the point where it eventually outnumbered
male’s
Change noun form
male
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 over the designated
time-scale
Correct your spelling
time scale
show examples
.   In 1980, 1000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 were members of the gym
whereas
Linking Words
 the twice amount of
men
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
. In
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 five years, both sexes reflected
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend to reach respective double figures compared to its proceeding data had
resistered
Correct your spelling
registered
.
However
Linking Words
, in the next decade, mele’s figure plummeted to stand at approximately 1600.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
figure
Add an article
the figure
a figure
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 remained
its
Change preposition
in its
show examples
 growing momentum and surpassed that of
men
Use synonyms
 to be
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 verge of reaching 3000 at the same time.  After 1995,
men
Use synonyms
 recovered
its
Change preposition
from its
show examples
 reduction, and
furthermore
Linking Words
, their number
skyrocketted
Correct your spelling
skyrocketed
 to hit their peak at 5000.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the final term, they dramatically plunged, getting
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 trough at roughly 600 in 2010. As for
women
Use synonyms
,they fructuated ranged between about 2300 and 2800 for the first 21st
century’s
Change noun form
century
show examples
 decade,
although
Linking Words
 they marked around 1900 in the
last
Linking Words
 data.
Submitted by lisa_smile_2 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • membership trends
  • male and female comparison
  • notable increase/decrease
  • fluctuations
  • consistently
  • peak points
  • divergent patterns
  • parallels in trends
  • correlation
  • timeframe
  • cultural shifts
  • awareness of fitness
  • significant differences
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