IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
The phenomenon of teaching
children
 that their achievement depends on how they hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 has aroused wide concern among various circles.
While
it is clear that
 teaching the concept of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality between efforts and gains would
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 obvious benefits to
children
, it is
also
 true to say that it may bring disadvantages as well. Regarding the benefits of why parents should guide their
children
 that they should try hard and they will get the result that they want, probably the most significant one is that it is more
sample
Correct your spelling
simple
show examples
 way to explain why we should try hard to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young folks. In fact, it has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
true because most people actually
achrieve
Correct your spelling
achieve
 what they want after plenty of
challenging
Replace the word
challenges
show examples
.
Also
, it is hard to explain to young ages
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why it
is not always get
Change the verb form
does not always get
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
what they
show examples
 want after
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
attemped
Correct your spelling
attempted
 to do
somethings
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
.
For instance
, you can always try to tell your child that it
is not matter
Change the verb form
does not matter
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what they are sacrificed, sometimes you just get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
lucky
Replace the word
luck
show examples
.
However
, they would never understand that until they experience it once.
As a result
, many parents only teach them to try their best and the result will come
netually
Correct your spelling
naturally
. Despite the aforementioned benefit,
this
 parenting method
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some drawbacks for those
children
. The most noticeable disadvantage is that it may has
severs
Correct your spelling
severe
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the kids. To illustrate, you can imagine
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how much harm they will get if they fail an exam, and they really tried so hard in learning and preparing for it. Some
children
 may never
discovery
Replace the word
discover
show examples
 from it because the reality is completely different
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
show examples
. Under
this
 line of thinking, telling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young ages that they can get
anythings
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
 that they want with
centain
Correct your spelling
certain
afforts
Correct your spelling
efforts
of
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 their goals has both its advantages and disadvantages.
Submitted by frankyimp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: