IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that video games are advantageous, while others believe video games are harmful to the people who play them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is sometimes argued that playing
video
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games
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 brings more harm than benefits,
while
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 some are of the belief that its benefits should not be overlooked. In
this
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 essay, I will attempt to discuss both opinions. On one hand, opposite to the common belief, science suggests that playing computer
games
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 could offer a plethora of benefits for brain development. Many studies have shown that those who engage in
this
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 activity, demonstrate superior executive function. They produce better results in problem-solving, abstract thinking and planning tests, which is associated with extensive usage of the pre-frontal cortex in the course of solving puzzles in
games
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.
Additionally
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, it has been observed that surgeons who actively play
video
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games
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, acquire stronger hand-eye coordination and perform better in surgeries.
Furthermore
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, many view
video
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games
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 as a great getaway from daily life and an easy route to be submerged into the world of imagination and endless possibilities.
On the other hand
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, it is impossible to dismiss the arguments against playing
video
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games
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 as a hobby. Because of how extremely addictive it is, it is highly likely for individuals to waste countless hours doing it and that could especially harm the children
,
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apply
show examples
 because if they don’t engage in other activities that are essential for their brain and body’s development, they might eventually lack in their adulthood.
Moreover
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, if it is not practised with caution even by adults, it might lead to disruptions in daily routines and possibly hurt people’s business and family life. In conclusion, I would argue that gaming should not be considered a liability, as it can be beneficial in developing problem-solving abilities and abstract thinking and is
also
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 an interesting way of winding down and being distant from the daily grind.
However
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, it is crucial to keep in mind that it has a great potential for overuse and interference with other tasks and activities.
Therefore
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 it needs to be done in moderation so that it does not turn into a means of wasting time.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the linking words and phrases within paragraphs to enhance flow and clarity, as well as use more varied vocabulary to express the same ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to address each view with equal depth. Expanding on the counter-argument may strengthen the overall discussion.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views on video games, addressing both benefits and drawbacks effectively.
task achievement
Strong examples are provided to support the argument, especially regarding brain development and hand-eye coordination linked to video gaming.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantageous
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • critical thinking
  • strategize
  • social interaction
  • teamwork
  • educational value
  • stress relief
  • addiction
  • violent content
  • desensitization
  • physical activity
  • health implications
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • academic performance
  • interfere
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